The Worst 'Pizza' In Lagos

Umutu Coffee

 27A, Oju Olobun Close, Victoria Island, Lagos.

0803 131 0976

NOSA: I spotted this place after we had dinner at Vellvett. It's tucked in beside Yellow Chili and you'll probably miss it if you aren't actively looking for it. 

FOLLY: So on Sunday afternoon I picked Nosa up, I hadn't really given much thought to where or what I wanted to eat so when he suggested this place we'd driven past a few days ago, I didn't have any hesitation. 

We got there and parking was basically a DMV test but I didn't mind, the space was really lovely and I was still kind of excited. I should have suspected something was amiss as the restaurant was completely empty on a Sunday afternoon. 

NOSA: I was fully expecting this place to be a cafe of some sort, like Cafe Neo, and little Google research suggests that's what it is supposed to be. In reality, it isn't. Turns out it used to be an Italian place called Il Sorriso. 

Maybe they're pivoting into the coffee game and they haven't, like, fully pivoted. It's an interesting rebrand, however. The space is tastefully done and they clearly put a lot of money in the logo.

Umutu Coffee

We ordered the Calamari Tegamaccio and the Francescana pizza. 

FOLLY: After an extra ordinarily long wait for our food, we got our calamari and the pizza followed shortly after. 

FOLLY: You know what, I'm not going to even try to describe how the pizza tasted because I can't. I'll let y'all imagine that and elaborate in the comment section. 

NOSA: If you're thinking, "did they just put prosciutto on the pizza like that?", then your answer is yes. According to the waiter, they bake the pizza and just drop the topping like that. Yes, AFTER baking. 

FOLLY: I'd say it didn't taste bad on first bite,  I even thought maybe I liked it and that it was 'different'. Then I tried another slice, and I was like fuck no I actually don't. 

NOSA: It honestly didn't taste horrible at first. Well, it did, but it was more like "this is just shitty microwave pizza". Funny enough, the prosciutto was actually really good. 

FOLLY: I actually didn't like the prosciutto.

NOSA: The crust was my biggest frustration (the lack of cheese too). I'm pretty sure they used pie crust for it. Pie like Apple Pie. If you look really close at the earlier pictures, you'll notice the ridges on the corners.

Umutu Coffee Calamari 2.jpg

FOLLY: The calamari tested like fish stew. I bet it'll have been amazing with white rice. I actually said to Nosa that if I didn't think it'll take them forever to boil it, it wouldn't be a bad idea to ask for rice for to go with it. 

NOSA: Let's just say I've had better calamari and I should have asked how the calamari was like before actually ordering it. 


NOSA: I really wanted this place to be good. A shame it wasn't. The pizza, in fact, is the worst I've had in my life and this list includes those frozen ones you get at Walmart. The ones that don't even come in boxes.

The waiter was pleasant if that's anything.  

FOLLY: If you're looking for the best pizza in Lagos, La Taverna or Pizze-Riah. You're welcome.


Francescana - N3500

Calamari Tegamaccio - N4000