Smokey Bones Looks Different But Tastes The Same

Smokey Bones

8B Fabac Close, Victoria Island, Lagos

0802 609 5962

FOLLY: We've only been to Smokey Bones once and that was for the 4th of July special last year so we thought we owed it to them to review their real menu right?

NOSA: Smokey Bones has changed quite a bit since our original review. The space is more or less new. There's a lot more space, but even more ugly furniture. That said, it beats the cramped Smokey Bones of yore. 

Anyway, we started off with the Chicken Wings

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FOLLY: These Chicken Wings were unforgivable. I recently bought 2.81 kg of chicken wings for N3,372 (I went to check the receipt) and it yielded 73 wings. A lesser degree of robbery is Urban Fuxion who gives you 10 chicken wings and a side as well as a drink for N2000. So, in conclusion, N1800 for six starving chicken wings with no side is unforgivable. 

NOSA: The wings were a bit to struggle-y for me, mate. Also struggle-y, was the waitress. 

FOLLY: The waitress that served us deserves to be suspended or fired or put in the back so she never again is customer facing. 

NOSA: Worst Waitress, 2016 Edition

Not only did she spill water all over the place, she completely messed up my order.

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FOLLY: I had the Rib Tips with Cornbread and Coleslaw. My original order would have been pork spare ribs with mashed potatoes and coleslaw but they didn't have the spare ribs or the mash.

I don't understand rib tips as a concept. Nosa says they are the tips of the ribs as the name implies.   

NOSA: I mean, what else could it be?

FOLLY: I guess it's nice cause they are boneless but they just strike me as the Asun of pork. Little cutlets of meat doused in your chosen sauce but it wasn't even as tender as Asun. 

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FOLLY: The coleslaw was very sweet almost like there was sugar or even honey in it, is that a thing? When I mixed it with the rib tips and its bbq sauce I really enjoyed the swalty taste that it created. The cornbread was also  really good, more moist than crumbly and that's a good thing!

NOSA: The cornbread, I thought, was excellent relative to what Lagos has to offer, i.e. no cornbread at all. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king etc etc

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NOSA: For my main, I got the BBQ Chicken Sandwich with Mac n' Cheese. The sandwich is a customer favorite at Smokey Bones for good reason. The BBQ sauce and the 'slaw taste like they were made for each other.  It works so so well.

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NOSA: The Mac n' Cheese was a bit terrible. The mac was terribly mushy. It reminded me of the ones I had in boarding school. Maybe we should blame Dangote for this. 

FOLLY: I asked for sweet potato pie for dessert but they didn't have any. 

POSTSCRIPT

FOLLY: I like how open the space is after the redesign. I think the lighting is terrible, though, it's not even mood lighting or anything it just doesn't complement the space or how you view your food when it arrives. 

NOSA: Smokey Bones has so much potential. I really wish I had some control over it because there's so much I want to change. From the shit service to the live band to the Nigerian section of the menu. Until Denise Renee's came in, Smokey Bones was the only place you could get food from the American South in Lagos so it's a bit of a shame that they aren't quite there yet.

FOLLY: I think the good and the bad balance each other out at Smokey Bones for a so-so conclusion. 

VERDICT

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DAMAGE

Rib Tips, Cornbread, & Coleslaw - N4500

BBQ Chicken Sandwich with Mac n' Cheese - N3000

 

PARKING

Extremely tight, and you'll have to do a three point turn.

 

 

EDL Weekender: All About NOK Brunch

EAT: Sunday Brunch @ NOK by ALARA

NOSA: NOK is joining the Sunday brunch game and we're sooooo here for it. Add this to your weekend to-do list fast. Check it out this weekend and we can have a little pow wow bout it on Monday. Deal?

FOLLY: I swear NOK just wants to take all my money. 

DRINK: Pineapple Margaritas @ Cafe Royale

NOSA: ...because why not.

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FOLLY: If you do go, please be warned that the food is overwhelmingly average so it is advisable that you go on a full stomach. If you must nibble on something, get the mozzarella sticks - end of. 

 

BONUS: EDL Brunch

FOLLY: Technically this is next weekend but who's gonna check me. 

Grills In N' Out Couldn't Keep It Up

Grills In & Out

7A, Admiralty Road. Lekki, Lagos.

01 291 55000817 0810 139

FOLLY: If I'm being completely honest, I don't know why we came back here. Our last visit was decent and the pictures weren't scraps so it doesn't fit the bill for the revisit. Anyways, we were in the area and hungry and so we decided to check it out.

NOSA: The other day, someone on our Twitter subbed Grills In & Out. Apparently they'd turned to shit and I couldn't believe it. The idea was genius. How could anyone fuck that up. Anyway, we had to check it out for ourselves.

FOLLY: Aha now that explains why we were here. I must have missed that on Twitter.

I hate the smell of the downstairs area so we headed upstairs to the self-grill room. It seems like they've quit that god-awful waffle + stir fry menu option.

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NOSA: Our original self-grill was out of commission.

FOLLY: i.e. where we were originally seated. 

NOSA: The waiter was aware but didn't tell us. He just walked to another table and started setting up. His idea was that he'd grill our stuff and bring it to us, which kinda defeats the point. Anyway, we got the Solo Flight which is a combo with chicken, rib and beef cutlets. 

FOLLY: In addition to the Solo Flight, we also got the catfish suya with a side of boli from the regular menu. They had to sub the beef with pork because they had run out. 

NOSA: The suya catfish was very bland and all the seasoning was on the skin. This could have been so good but oh well.

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FOLLY: I really appreciated the way they sliced the catfish. Navigating the entire fish has always been an issue for me with whole grilled fish so this was nice to see. Sadly, the seasoning on the catfish left a lot to be desired. On one hand, it wasn't really suya spice that coated the skin of the fish and secondly it wasn't nearly enough. I suspect that when they meant catfish suya, they were referring to a similar cooking style to suya i.e. outdoor grilling over charcoal and if that's the case, they should have called it grilled catfish. 

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NOSA: The boli was great though, can't take that away from them. The self-grill stuff was a bit scant. They probably got the cuts from starving animals or something. Look at it, mate.

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FOLLY: If the waiter had allowed us to cook our food ourselves I would have laid the meats down first and only after some time, added the chicken. This is because the ribs and the pork need a longer time to cook than the chicken does. 

NOSA: The waiter was a bit of a shambles, to be honest. We ordered two margaritas. Now, the margaritas are listed as frozen on the menu not "on the rocks". Their margarita machine wasn't working or something silly, but instead of dude telling us, he made our margaritas on the rocks. If there's anything I hate when I go to a restaurant it's when waiters make decisions without consulting you.

FOLLY: We eventually went with two frozen chapmans with one shot of rum each for good measure. 

The last time we were here, they did a better job of marinating the meats before giving them to us to cook. These were salted and maybe sprinkled with Maggi and pepper which is a bit basic. The wedges were soggy but honestly, I didn't mind.

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POSTSCRIPT

FOLLY: I think Grills In N' Out has fallen off majorly and that's disappointing. I always thought the concept was novel to Nigeria and would be well appreciated but I guess I was wrong. 

NOSA: It's unfortunate how much this place has fallen off. I can't believe it. The food is edible but if you wanted just edible food, you'd go somewhere cheaper.

No flies in here, though. Shouts to them.

VERDICT

DAMAGE

Rum Shot - N800

Solo Flight - N5000

Frozen Chapman - N1000

Catfish Suya and Boli - N2500

 

PARKING

There's no parking lot, but the street parking is just fine. 


We're having a Brunch Party at RSVP with Jameson. Skip out on your typical Sunday treat and come hang with us. Buy a ticket HERE

 

 

Ask Eat.Drink.Lagos XLXVII

A little housekeeping first. 

We're having our third brunch party on Sunday, 5 June. Skip out on your typical Sunday Brunch at Southern Sun or wherever, and come hang with us. 

To attend, you'll need to buy a ticket using the link below.

Back to today's business...

Subject: The Big 30

Message: My sister is 30 in a few weeks and we are planning a birthday get together for about 30 people. we want formal, black tie, sit down dinner. Budget is about 250,000 to 350,000. we want EXCELLENT food, good ambience, VERY GOOD cocktails and a QUIET evening overall. please suggest your top three picks on the island. Thank you.
— O.I

NOSA: At 10k/head, you can streamline a menu at 1415 with just pasta and a couple cocktails. No dessert or starters. You'll definitely get the vibe you want. If you want to stretch your buck a bit, you'll have to go less formal. 

FOLLY: Maybe you could work something out with Nok by Alara, but you'd probably have to rent out the entire space. Lastly, I didn't enjoy the food at the Grillroom at the Wheatbaker but the restaurant is quiet and could definitely give you the vibe you're going for. 

Subject: Qualifying the eating spots

Message: Hi guys,

Love your blog and appreciate the ‘eating through the stuggles...:)

Soooo, I’ve been meaning to ask this question.
Does one meal a restaurant make?

If you order a meal-from starters to dessert, and you end up not liking the entree does it automatically disqualify the food at the restaurant as subpar?

Wouldn’t a more logical conclusion be arrived at after say two or three meals?
— N

NOSA: You're absolutely right to some degree. One meal doesn't make a restaurant, but there are certain items that dictate the overall quality of restaurant. It's the same way you can gauge the price of a restaurant by how much their Star is. Trust me, it works. Anything over N1000 always raises red flags. Look at Maison Fahrenheit

For me, it's a bit simple. Whenever we go out, I either order the most expensive thing on the menu or a popular dish in that particular cuisine. If your most expensive item is terrible, then the odds of the regular stuff being terrible are high. If you go to an Italian place and the pasta isn't al dente, what makes you think they'll make anything else better. If you can't do the thing you're in business for well, then you probably aren't good at anything else because if you were good at something else, you'd be in that business. 

There are outliers to this, I won't lie. Bonsai has rubbish sushi but a great cheesecake. That said, this works 7 or 8 times out of 10. We tried it with Cafe Royale. We kept going back to order something else to find a redeeming quality, but no, it was all terrible. 

FOLLY: At which point we only had ourselves to blame cause it was like we were flushing money down the toilet. 

Ask us anything

BarBar Got A Completely New Menu


BarBar

Cinnamon Gardens, Victoria Arobieke Street, Lekki One, Lagos

NOSA: A couple of days ago, we noticed BarBar got a completely new menu and we decided to check them out. 

FOLLY: "A few days ago" is actually last week when you went to get a haircut. 

NOSA: The menu, itself, is pretty streamlined. Just 4 items on it and for science, we ordered them all. 

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FOLLY: And we still weren't full, so we ordered some more chicken wings because they were by far, the best of the lot. To drink, I had the Dreadlock (rum, ginger beer, brown sugar and lime). don't think they actually used brown sugar.

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NOSA: The BarBar By The Sea is their seafood platter. Ok, it’s not really a platter but a plate of like 5 shrimp and a couple calamari. A shame the serving size is so small because I thought this was pretty tasty. 

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FOLLY: They should have breaded the calamari and shrimp because this was pretty basic. 

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NOSA: The wings were the best thing for me. Absolutely loved them. Might be hard to find anything better in the Lekki area and this includes Urban Fuxion.

FOLLY: Slow down. I still prefer Urban Fuxion's but these were really good and we even ordered a second portion.

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NOSA: A bit of a random note, all the sauces tasted like they were heavy on Maggi. Not a fan at all. 

FOLLY: We had three different little pots of sauce with each item we ordered, each with varying intensities of Maggi. This was probably not by design, just probably the unfortunate consequence of not shaking the container. I didn't hate the sauce, but it was a bit pedestrian. 

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NOSA: The Chicken Chopped And Screwed was a massive disappointment for me. It tasted like shitty chicken suya. Avoid this one at all costs. 

FOLLY: My friend thought it was undercooked. 

NOSA: The sliders were the other thing I liked on the menu. There’s only so much you can do with a slider and I think BarBar did all of that.

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FOLLY: The bun and the patty were good so it's a thumbs-up from me. It's hard to be very descriptive when you had only two bites of something (we cut it in half)

NOSA: It tasted like a burger you’d get at a cookout and for a slider, I think that’s pretty good.

FOLLY: I was most glad because they didn't use the Maggi sauce in it. 

POSTSCRIPT

NOSA: The sliders and wings are the only things worth it and they’re cheapest on it. For a what they are, Barbar is pretty good if I'm being fair. So yeah, give them a shot if you're trying to get a haircut or your partner is.

FOLLY: It won't fill you up but it's okay food. More importantly, guys get a free drink with a haircut so tag along and you can drink the free drink while he cuts his hair :) 

VERDICT

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DAMAGE

The Wings - N1700

Barbar Sliders -N1700

BarBar By The Sea - N2000

Chicken Chopped & Screwed - N1500

The Dreadlock - N2000

 

PARKING

It's in one of those "mall" things, so there's a lot of parking