A Battle of the Taste Buds: Introducing Denise & Tobi
In the last month or so, you’ve probably noticed two new voices added to the site. There have been a couple others but Tobi and Denise have become regulars on here so we thought it was only right to introduce them properly in our own special way.
DENISE: One of the beautiful things about work is how you get to meet new people and foster beautiful relationships. Thanks to my time at EDL, I’ve been able to make a new acquaintance; Tobi.
Tobi – Oluwatobi Afolabi, as you know her on the blog – is a sweet soul. She’s smart, easy to talk to and has well-formed opinions on matters I hold dear like feminism and men.
TOBI: Denise and I clicked immediately. She is hilarious and who doesn’t love a funny person? We agree on quite a lot of things like how golden morn tastes like sorrow and tragedy and puff puff is eternally divine.
DENISE: Unfortunately, Tobi has the worst taste in food and puts some shocking things in her mouth. Tobi’s food choices have left me tearing my hair and renting my garments.
Agbalumo, Corn, MANGOES? Tobi, I’m appalled!
TOBI: We’re going to have to do physically fight one of these days because Denise is probably the first person I’ve come across who doesn’t like mangoes.
DENISE: We’re fighting this fight, sis. Pick your location.
TOBI: She loves Amala and malt, so there’s something redeemable in there. But she also hates corn.
Sigh.
DENISE: Since Tobi and I have pretty diverse views on basic food items, we’ve decided to share our wildest food takes.
“Ogbono is gross” - Denise
TOBI: To be honest, I can forgive Denise for not liking ogbono soup. I’m hardly a huge fan myself. I have moods for ogbono soup and I believe it pairs well with specific swallows. I would not eat amala and ogbono but it goes quite well with white eba so it’s not completely bad, in my book.
DENISE: Ogbono is bad in my book and should be in every book. It is nasty! Why would you willingly put something brown and slimy in your mouth? I’m shuddering at the thought! Eww.
“Liver makes me want to throw up” - Tobi
DENISE: The only thing I can forgive Tobi for not liking is liver. I totally understand that liver isn’t everyone’s style because sometimes it can come off very bland. I love liver though. I didn’t at first, but it’s grown on me thanks to my grandmother. She knew exactly how to work her way round the meat.
TOBI: Everything you just said is gross. Liver has this awful texture that makes me want to throw up my tongue whenever I mistakenly eat it. Yuck.
“Mosa is unnecessary” - Denise
TOBI: Denise and I like plantain, so I’m a little confused at her hate for mosa. I absolutely love mosa, mainly because it’s made from plantain. That’s it. It’s nasty when it’s cold though, hard and just plain inedible so I get why she hates it.
DENISE: Let me reiterate. Mosa isn’t 100% terrible – it’s a strong 98%. Mosa is truly nasty when it’s cold. It gets tough, soggy and overall very yucky. Mosa is unnecessary. Let it go.
“Semo is bland” - Tobi
DENISE: Tobi doesn’t like semolina – semo for short – and it gets to me. Why wouldn’t you like semo? You can pair it with soups and you can eat it as you would custard or pap. It’s an underrated, versatile food item. Tobi, what’s your excuse?
TOBI: You know how you can associate some smells, tastes or sounds to a traumatic childhood experience? Semo is one of those for me. I can never forget the first time I had it. I shudder every time I remember. The bland taste, my tears mixing with the soup as I was forced to finish the plate. Oh God. Let’s not go there. I’m never touching a plate of semo in my life again.
“Mangoes are vile” - Denise
TOBI: You know why it’s on sight with this Denise babe? She doesn’t believe that Mangoes are one of God’s greatest gifts to mankind. Mangoes are delicious and versatile. You can make smoothies, sauces and literally so many things from them.
DENISE: All this one is just gist. Mangoes are vile.
TOBI: She hates mangoes! My mind cannot comprehend how a human being can hate the divinity that is mangoes. I’m just going to chalk it up to you having no taste. Simple.
DENISE: I repeat, mangoes are vile. Once upon a time, I did try my best to like mangoes but the truth is, my body doesn’t buy their so-called divinity at all. The smell of mangoes makes me nauseous and if they manage to get past my throat, I will blow chunks everywhere. I’m sure mangoes are a meal option in Tartarus and Hades.
“Goat meat is of the devil” - Tobi
DENISE: Tobi loses respect in my eyes anytime she mentions her loathing for goat meat.
TOBI: Goat meat is of the devil. Goat meat should be banned. It’s so gross.
DENISE: So Tobi means to tell me she doesn’t like asun? Goat meat pepper soup? ISIEWU? Nah, this babe and her menu are cancelled.
TOBI: Goats taste the way they smell and they don’t exactly smell appetizing. Goat meat is poison and should be banned. But, I do like a well prepared plate of asun AS LONG AS I don’t taste that gamey flavour because I truly cannot stand it.
“Agbalumo is not it” - Denise
DENISE: The one time I tried to put agbalumo in my mouth, my body wanted to shut down.
TOBI: A whole agbalumo? The greatest of the greatest! A perfect blend of sweet and sour. The African star apple.
DENISE: Star apple my foot. A clear insult to apples, I’m afraid.
TOBI: Denise, I think your taste buds need rejuvenation because I don’t even understand anymore.
DENISE: Agbalumos have awful texture, rancid odour and even more off putting taste. The fact that their seeds look a lot like cockroaches does nothing for their appeal.
“Catfish scares me” - Tobi
TOBI: I quite like seafood. In fact, I enjoy it a lot. But catfish scares me, I won’t even lie.
DENISE: People who don’t enjoy catfish are clearly ungrateful and it’s just so sad to see Tobi waltz into this category. How do you not like catfish?
TOBI: The way they slither in the water, reminds me way too much of snakes and I refuse to put anything like that in my body. Let’s not even begin on the slimy texture of their skin, why would anybody eat that???
DENISE: Catfish is a hit! Whether it’s barbecued to perfection or in a bowl mouth-watering soup or stew, catfish sizzles. Whatever you say to me after this paragraph is irrelevant.
TOBI: It bangs when it’s dried and roasted and also in pepper soup though, and that’s literally the only time I can stand it. Any other form (especially alive), get it away from me.
Anyway, if you have there’s anything you can never be caught dead eating, drop a line in the comments!