We Reimagined BBNaija Housemates as Lagos Restaurants
What do BBNaija housemates and Lagos restaurants have in common? Some are messy, aesthetically pleasing or disappointing – either way, we give them our coins, regardless. From Laycon to Nengi, there’s so much to say about these crop of housemates - a similar trend about Lagos restaurants you’ll find if you read our reviews.
Now that every one of us can’t stop watching the current most-talked-about Nigerians on the internet right now, we decided to reimagine them as Lagos restaurants!
Ozo - Craft Gourmet
First on the list is the ‘aspire to perspire’ member of the house, Ozo, aka the Craft Gourmet the house. Ozo is smart, cute and can rock really short shorts. He lowkey tries too hard to please everyone and that’s how you end up with a menu like Craft Gourmet that has “something for everyone”. At the same time, Craft would hardly let an aggrieved customer out of the door without overcompensating.
Erica - La Brioche
If you’re an Elite you know we all have a problematic relationship with our shalaye Queen. We love her but we absolutely hate the fact that she’s ALWAYS talking to Laycon about one thing or the other. Likewise, we speak for many Lagosians who just want to enjoy their brunch at La Brioche but their owner is always hovering to see how you’re doing, tell you how he likes his eggs, what you should order next and so on and so forth. Bruh!
With her restaurant twin, Erica also shares indecisiveness. La Brioche started as just a breakfast restaurant, in fact, they weren't open past 4 pm. Nigerians whine a lot so they slowly started adding sandwiches and pasta so as not to lose customers (that’s what we think), and that evolved to a full-blown lunch and dinner menu.
KiddWaya - Salma’s
The thing about Salma’s is that like Kidd, they know what they’re here for and they’re really good at it. Sometimes you forget they’re there, but when you remember, you fall in love again.
Laycon - Farm City
If Farm City were a housemate, it would be Laycon. They both cause disruption in people’s lives - Laycon with the KiddRica romance, and Farm City with traffic, and lowkey a hot ass mess. Somehow though, Farm City is never empty, like Laycon with his very strangely large fan base.
Nengi - Z Kitchen
Nengi is the Z Kitchen of Lagos restaurants – very aesthetically pleasing, but the content is just not there. This doesn’t stop you from wanting to go there for date night, but you’re disappointed every time you get in.
Vee - Tea Room
The Tea Room really wants your love and have a truly beautiful space, but can’t stop getting in their own way like when they drag their customers by their closures on Instagram. Vee does that too.
She also comes across as thirsty and for some inexplicable reason, she has a fanbase. It doesn’t help that the Tea Room also allegedly dubbed their entire concept from London, that’s another common denominator that Vee and the Tea Room share.
Dora - Atmosphere
Like Atmosphere, Dora is simply lovable. They’ll probably never be your first choice, but they’re always there for you. It doesn’t hurt that they bring some really great things to the table like the abula.
Prince - Talindo
Talindo doesn’t say a lot on the outside but when you get in and try the food they actually know what they are doing. It looks like someone’s house but you’ll be surprised to find out that there’s a fancy restaurant in there that’s been quality for the past 16 years. Just like Prince, the inside (durag off) and the outside (durag on) do not match. Unfortunately, in Prince’s case the outside is better.
TolaniBaj - Grill by Delis
Few minutes into the opening show, TolaniBaj set out to the ‘baddest bih in the house”. Well, it’s been three weeks after and we’re yet to see her. Similarly, when Grill By Delis opened, we thought this was going to be the next big thing. Time passed and the disappointment set in. One would think her boo Prince aka Talindo being next door would help her out but they seem to be attracting different crowds.
Bright O - South
Bright is the designated amebo of the house and the South of Lagos restaurants. If anything happens in South on a Friday night, the whole of Lagos will know by Saturday. We don’t make the rules, blame the amebos.
Praise - Kilimanjaro
He could be a lot worse but thankfully he’s not. He has a small group of loyal fans and honestly, we’re still trying to figure out why.
TrickyTee - 100 Hours
Rough on the outside but the food makes sense. You don’t expect stellar customer service from 100 Hours, in fact, on most days they don’t have 90% of their menu available and will tell you they don’t have it without remorse as per “we didn’t make it today”. The amala is flames sha and that’s ALL that matters.
Kaisha - La Taverna
La Taverna is a good establishment, good vibes, and good food but can move mad and vex you sometimes but you’ll definitely go back. That’s Kaisha for you.
Neo - Blackbell
Not gonna sugar coat this one but Blackbell is local league but the owners have PLENTY money. Their new Lekki branch? Obviously the money for that building didn’t come from selling moin-moin and coleslaw and they demolished the existing property and built a new thing in < 4 months. Construction only goes that fast in Lagos when the money is flowing. Neo is just like Blackbell, local league but in place of money, he has small abroad flavour.
Eric - The Place
If you’ve ever been to The Place you know that one person could have fried rice, beans, coleslaw, turkey, and donut on their plate and not see the problem. Our good man, Eric, is a bottomless pit too. Good thing Eric is out since they lost their wager and had to go for another week on their current supplies, they won’t have made it with this lad still in the house.
Wathoni - Sugarcane
Wathoni is a babe but she’s so disappointing. She’s a pretty girl with extra bad vibes. Sounds like a Sugarcane to us.
Lucy - Pat’s Bar
Lucy is rude AF, just like the waitresses at Pat’s Bar. The entire institution is a relic that has served its purpose. See, Nengi has been “covering up” since that fight. Now, it’s time for her to go home.