Where you buy your groceries says a lot about you and your choices. After shelter, food is arguably the biggest line item, so we’re going to attempt to judge you by where you dump all of that money.

Ebeano

If your favourite grocery store is Ebeano, you have no less than four children. You’re the only one that can buy groceries for your household because whenever you send your partner, they always come back with nonsense. We won’t get you started on your domestic staff because they never, ever “hear word” especially your driver. We’re sorry, ma. 

Hubmart

Generally, you’re not a serious person. Your friends repeatedly ask you why you lack focus. The only reason you still shop here is that you buy groceries for each meal you want to make and never for a period of time, and even then, you can never find everything you need here so why do you keep doing that to yourself? Break free. You probably have a driver, because how do you even park here? 

L’Epicerie

You buy your groceries with Nigerian currency straight out of a letter-sized envelope that you get from the office every week. You don’t own and/or operate a Nigerian bank account. There are also certain areas in Lagos that your employer forbids you from going to. 

La Pointe

It’s not your favourite, favourite supermarket – that title still goes to L’Epicerie. But, you always pop in after buying your main groceries to check what just “came in”, i.e. lobster and steak. Oh, and to restock your liquor cabinet.

Deli’s

When you need to make a choice between two brands, you automatically assume the more expensive item is of higher quality because it costs more. Liberate yourself from the shackles of capitalism. Before you shopped here, you used to go to Park ‘N’ Shop.

Spar

You’re absolutely stuck in the past or have way too much time on your hands. No, seriously maybe your life is generally easy-going and you’re hardly ever pressed for time because all the meandering you have to go through doesn’t make sense. Or you’re second-generation Nigerian.

Shoprite

You refer to buying food for the house as “stocking up” or “buying provisions”. Chances are you also run a food business from your home kitchen and don’t mind if the veggies look limp because you just want to use it quickly for your customers. Or maybe you just have a plug there that calls you the minute the fresh produce touches the shelves.

Renee

You, personally, don’t cook Nigerian food often. Your cook might be in charge of this, but it has to be in your second kitchen. Better yet, you just order everything in 3L bowls from your favourite caterer and you’re always sad when you’re warming the last bowl of your smokey jollof. I bet you bank with Stanbic, don’t you? 

NY Supermarket

You live in Lekki. You also hate sharing your vendors with your friends because one friend ruined your relationship with your tailor back in 2008 and you’re still pissed. Since then, every man for himself.