Not All Ice Cream Is CREATED Equal. I Know Because I’ve HAD MY FAIR SHARE.

One of my go-to quotes (when I’m in intellectual mode) is from George Orwell’s Animal Farm — my favourite book of all time and litmus test for judging literary taste. If you haven’t read it, I hope you see my face heavily judging you.

In the novel, Napoleon — who was an absolute tyrant — says, “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.” I like the quote so much because I think you can replace “animal” there with just about anything subject to human taste. That’s what led me down this path to finding which supermarket ice cream options truly reign supreme (see? See what I did there? 😎).

In no particular order of preference or ranking, these are our findings.

1. Frosty Bites Fantasy (STRAWBERRY, VANILLA & PEANUT CRUNCH)

Damage: N480

Ice cream around here mostly comes in tubs and cones, and for good reason. Who wants to walk around in Lagos heat with ice cream dripping off a stick? The answer is: Some of us, so Fantasy offers its ice cream bars in Strawberry, Vanilla and Peanut Crunch flavours.

PROS

• Pretty affordable: Despite the edge Fantasy ice cream gets with its unique shape, it’s affordable enough for you to indulge in it at will.

• Handy snack: Say what you will about food on a stick, but if you’re willing to set table manners aside and risk the logistical issues, it’s very handy to grab and go.

CONS

• Chocolate coating dominance: Fantasy ice cream tries to deal with potential melting problems by coating the ice cream sticks with a light, crunchy layer of chocolate. That’d be a great way to kill two birds with one stone, if the chocolate flavour didn’t overpower than ice cream. With the coating, it feels like you’re eating chocolate with some ice cream, not the other way around.

• Potentially messy: Bottom line is exposed ice cream can be an annoying thing to deal with. In hot weather (which envelopes us), Fantasy ice cream starts to melt on your hand, and you could be dealing with a mess everywhere before you know it.

2. go Slo (Cookies & Cream)

Damage: N2300

FanMilk has been the king of Nigerian dairy snacks forever, and, in my opinion, they couldn’t have done a better job with Go Slo’s branding. But do the flavours live up to expectations?

Go Slo comes in Cookies and Cream (which I tried), Peanut Butter, Chocolate Almond, and Salted Caramel, and the ice cream line has really gained popularity in its own right, that hardly anybody connects it FanMilk anymore.

PROS

• Fancy packaging: Go Slo cups have pretty cool designs that are colourful and super attractive, especially if you’re big on aesthetics.

• Super milky: The ‘premium’ bit in Go Slo’s name is linked with its pleasant milkiness. You can tell a bit more effort has gone into it to differentiate it from regular FanIce, for instance, and bonus: There’s a nice aftertaste when you’re done.

• Great consistency: My favourite thing about Go Slo is the consistency. It didn’t freeze so hard that I had to dig it up, yet when left standing, it didn’t melt to an annoying soup-like consistency either.

CONS

• Pretty pricey: With a 460 ml cup costing over N2000 at retail, Go Slo is one of the priciest locally-made ice cream brands out there. Oh, and I know the FanMilk website says N1550, but good luck getting it at that price.

• Disappointing “cookie” bit: I might have to chalk this one up to my overreaching expectations, but I genuinely expected crunchy cookie bits in the ice cream. The cookie parts were just darker bits with a slightly less smooth taste than the cream.

3. FanIce (VANILLA & STRAWBERRY)

Damage: N1350

I grew up terrorising the adults around me to get me some FanIce ice cream, so I was pretty excited to try it again after such a long time. Unlike Go Slo, it only comes in plain Vanilla, Strawberry and Chocolate flavours — which isn’t a bad thing, as long as it’s done well.

PROS

• Very creamy: There’s a thin line between milky and creamy, and most ice cream brands mix both up. Not FanIce. The cream game here is actually superb. 

• Great balance: I love the taste of FanIce so much because it’s balanced. This range of products is all the validation I need that it’s entirely possible to have ice cream with an aftertaste that isn’t nauseatingly sugary.

CONS

• Fluffiness: FanIce is pretty soft, so if you like ice cream solid enough for you to dig into, you won’t get that here — at least, not for very long after it’s out of the freezer.

• Quick-to-melt: Because of its softness, the ice cream melts pretty quickly. Get a deep spoon if you’re buying FanIce because before you know it, you’ll have to scoop it up like soup.

4. Supreme (Vanilla & Chocolate)

Damage: N790

The UAC brand has been in the game since 1994, so Supreme ice cream is basically a grandfather to all the other brands.
It comes in plain vanilla, strawberry and chocolate flavours, as well as medium-sized tubs of two-flavour combos that remind me so much of kid parties in the 90s — something these Cold Stone youngins know nothing about.

PROS

• Pocket-friendly: With a 2-litre tub selling for less than N700, Supreme is a pretty cheap-and-cheerful choice. If you’re looking for dessert on a budget, it’s an easy option.

CONS

• Seriously watered-down: With Supreme, there’s a lot more ice than cream. I’m pretty sure I crunched on ice chips while eating the Vanilla-Chocolate one.

• Weak chocolate flavour: Supreme chocolate ice cream tastes exactly like a frozen mix of Cowbell chocolate and water (no offense, Cowbell). The flavour is lacking, and the slightly nasty aftertaste doesn’t help things.

Which supermarket faves did we leave out? Let’s know in the comments!

Miracle Kati is a medical student, writer and small-town activist. She loves food adventures and daring to try everything edible from anywhere. I mean — what’s the worst that could happen?