Dating in Lagos is ghetto, ask anybody. But like pasta, you can find love anywhere in Lagos, even in the most hopeless of places. I mean, these days, you’d find pasta in some pastry shops if you’re that desperate.

With Valentine’s Day ahead of us, we’re going to try to guess the state of your love life based on your taste in pasta.

Spaghetti Bolognese

Two words come to mind with Bolognese; safe and basic. If this is your go-to dish, you’re in no hurry to try new things. There’s nothing wrong with that because like the Italian classic, you’re comforting and reliable. With love, you have a type and never deviate from your spec and that’s why you’re single to stupor.

Seafood Pasta

Seafood pasta in Lagos with a few special exceptions -  is basically fish stew with one medium-sized shrimp, and one mussel if the chef is feeling generous. If this is your go-to, you’re a JJC who hasn’t yet discovered the disappointment Lagos offers. Right now, you’re probably the side piece in your relationship and you don’t know it yet. Shine your eyes, dear. They probably have a whole partner and kids they’re hiding from you.

Carbonara

If this pasta is your favourite, you’ve probably got a bit of a cultist in you. You’re one of those people who used to have rice and beans with a side of spaghetti and eggs in secondary school. You always cheat in your relationships and tell everyone you’re practicing ‘polyamory’.

Pasta Aglio e olio

Much like your favourite pasta, you’re charming and straightforward, with a light dash of sophistication. You have pretty high standards but are at the same time easy to please. You’re the rich auntie/uncle everyone fantasizes about.  You only date for visa these days because you’re focused in life.

Penne Arrabiata

You’re a person who knows what they want. You probably work out every morning and follow your weekly meal plan to the T. You’re the 30+ bae who falls asleep before 10 pm and sends hourly updates because you don’t like unnecessary stress. You never text back after a date too because Lagosians don’t deserve your attention.

Fettuccine Alfredo

You prioritize enjoyment over anything else. You’re less concerned about looks, more concerned with what the food tastes like. You’re also probably lactose intolerant, but that never stops you because problem no dey finish.  You only fall for married people and those in relationships. Somehow, it always ends in tears for you but you never give up.

Creamy Herb Pasta

Your middle name is “aesthetics”. You live for brunch and restaurant hopping. You spend 10 minutes trying to get the perfect picture of your meal, to the exhaustion of your friends. You’re superficial in relationships and probably show up on dates for free food. You also send Valentine’s Day gifts to yourself at the office complete with the trumpet. No judgment here sha.