Written By Temitope Fatimah Adeiye

Editor’s note: A few years ago, we ranked fruits from worst to best (according to Folly), and now, we’ve decided to update that list, just because we can. For this ranking, we considered aesthetics, taste and accessibility.  We also stuck to the most popular fruits you’ll find in Lagos and skipped lime and lemons because they aren’t exactly edible on their own.

1. Watermelon

A ripe watermelon is red inside, succulent and juicy. There are simply no words to describe how awesome it is. Beyond the weird people who decided to make ham of out watermelons, the only con is the seeds.

Ranking: The absolute best! I mean, you get all that moisture and flesh in one fruit? If you don’t like this fruit, you need to treat yourself better, dear.

2. Oranges

Juicy and sweet, the juice is absolutely delicious and what's more, it's available all year round. The fact that it's not a seasonal fruit is why it's so underrated.

Ranking: Oranges are top tier. There’s a reason why fresh orange juice slaps different.

3. Mangoes

Mangoes are elite! So yummy, so juicy and so creamy! Would be number one if the seed was not big for nothing. But then, mango tastes very good on its own and in a dessert.

Ranking: An elite fruit for elite people if you can get past the thickness of the juice.

4. Apples

Apples taste great especially if you like the tanginess and tartness of green apples. Red apples are more aesthetically pleasing and taste just as good. While they’re excellent in pies, can someone beg Nigerian bakers to stop garnishing their cakes with apple slices?

Ranking: Pretty, sweet and versatile. She has the range!

5. Pineapples

Taste is 💯 when it is ripe and it coincides with your lucky day. They taste really sweet and are definitely not for people who don't like sweet-tasting food. Beyond the conflicting appearance on pizza, pineapples are versatile and feature in a plethora of delicious recipes.

Ranking: The major grouse with pineapple is that cutting it up and removing all the rough seeds is such a chore.

6. Coconut

Coconuts look awful from outside- brown, hairy and hard-looking. But when you throw it hard and far enough, you discover the goodness inside. The juice inside is sweet AF so maybe that's why Yoruba elders invented a rumour that drinking coconut water will make you dull.

Ranking: The real definition of inner beauty. The flesh is pure dessert goals that has earned its spot as on cake and in chocolate. (This is a safe space for Bounty lovers).

7. Agbalumo aka African star apple. 

Jk jk. Nobody calls it an African star apple. It's agbalumo or udara and I'll never understand why some people call it 'cherry'. This fruit is a fruit for gamblers and people who court danger. Will it be so sour your teeth rattle, or will it be sweeter than honey? You never know, until you open it and taste it.

Ranking: Agbalumo only gets hype cos it's a seasonal fruit. If it were available all year round the scales would fall from people's eyes and they'll see it for the mid-level fruit that it is. 

8. Strawberries

This fruit has great PR and enjoys pretty privilege. Once you bite into it you realize that you've been defrauded, bamboozled, hoodwinked, deluded and strung along. 

Ranking: Strawberries look 100 per cent better than they taste. A scammer and fraud in these streets.

9. Bananas

These are only good for thickening smoothies and for getting your dose of potassium. To enjoy bananas, you have to eat them with peanuts or just mash it and bake into bread.

Ranking: It simply can't go platinum without features. 

10. Guava

Meh. Just meh. There’s nothing there to say about this fruit. Not exactly great on its own and doesn’t have the range.

Ranking: Really? You might as well bite into a rock filled with tiny pebbles.

11. Avocados 

Those who eat this mash moonlighting as a fruit really need to explain WHYY? It's so tasteless that it often has to be eaten with salt, or with bread in a sandwich. 

Ranking: The Theranos of fruits if were keeping it one hundred.

12. Soursop

Soursop is easily a fruit designed for people who enjoy pain, bitterness. It’s the Nigerian civil servant of fruits, always a sour experience with this one.

Ranking: It's like BDSM but with food. Might as well lick alum. 

Temitope is a Muslim Feminist and freelance writer with an interest in culture, parenting and feminist discourse. Her work has been featured in publications like Pulse, Net Nigeria and many more.