In the age of social distancing, everyone seems to be obsessed with bread, with the rise in baking trends on and off social media. Bread is arguable one of the best culinary inventions and thus, features in a range of meals from brunch to dinner. On that note, here’s a definitive ranking of the most popular bread.

PS:  Banana bread isn’t as high up as you think.

Wheat bread

Did someone say bottom tier? Somehow you’ve been convinced that this is a healthy option,  but it contains almost as many calories as sliced white bread – and doesn’t even taste as good. 

Ranking - The semo of bread - branded as healthy but only offers calories and the grand taste of disappointment. 

Baguette

This bread is great for when you’re trying to look sophisticated and Parisian on your Instagram feed. I mean, it doesn’t taste too bad, but are the crumbs and leather-like texture really worth it? 

Ranking - Only useful for aesthetics. If you really want something tough to chew, find some ponmo or chin chin.

Flatbread

Flatbread is the best-supporting award winner in the bread hall of fame. On its own, it shouldn’t be anywhere near your mouth, but throw in some delicious meat and veggies and its versatility shines through. But don’t be deceived, it’s essential. Can you imagine shawarma naked? 

Ranking - Couldn’t go platinum without features

White Bread

If the bare minimum was a bread, this would be it. It’s not mindblowing, but it’s dynamic and useful. You can use if for, mediocre french toast, sandwiches; it's the jack of all trades and master of none.

Ranking - Dear white bread -  you’re basic, but you’re alright.

Banana Bread

This bread reminds me of that overrated pop star that’s on every radio station. Annoying right?  It was probably invented by someone who wanted to be able to eat cake at breakfast without judgment. 

Ranking - Overhyped - but props to it for saving all those bananas. 

Scones

Moist, yummy and hassle-free. They’re delicious however you eat them. Just throw out your white bread. Whether it’s with jam or just butter, if you’re feeling fancy, you can even glaze them. The one flaw is how dry they can be on their own - if chocking isn’t your thing this could be a problem.

Ranking - Best eaten warm, but delicious all round. 

Agege Bread

Yep, it’s local bread, but the only reason you think it’s inferior is you’re colonised. That and the fact that local bakeries may not adhere to the best hygiene practices. If you can find a good bakery, however, you’re in for a good time. 

Ranking - A local champion that could dominate the international stage. Can someone order some ewa agoyin, please?

Sourdough

The name doesn’t sound like it should taste good, but it really does! Sourdough doesn’t really require any addons to be enjoyed AND, it’s actually healthy *side-eyes wheat bread*.

Ranking - The bread we should all be baking in quarantine. 

Croissant

I know what you’re thinking, it’s technically a pastry. But wow, this dough is the one all the others love to hate. It does everything bread can do, and it can hold it’s own. Breakfast, lunch or dessert. Eggs, jam, chocolate, or plain is there anything it can’t do?

Ranking - The creme of the crop - if you don’t mind all the endless kneading.

Brioche

Brioche is so heavenly, so soft and oh so fluffy! It’s the best thing since sliced bread and is even better than sliced bread, or any bread. I SAID WHAT I SAID!

Ranking:  We should all eat brioche, everyone else,  go home.

Love Akinkunle is a freelance writer and editor with peculiar tastebuds. When she's not telling stories, she's reading a memoir, or fantasising about magical places on the African continent.