5 Nigerians Share Their Quarantine Kitchen Disasters
Cooking is the absolute ghetto for many people and I absolutely don’t blame them or holding that opinion. Not everyone likes to smell like stew or onions in the name of meal prep. Unfortunately, many people have been tasked with cooking their own meals as a result of the government-enforced lockdown in three states —including Lagos. Whether as a necessity or as a means to curb boredom, the result for most people has been endless kitchen disasters.
We spoke to a few people who have experienced hilarious accidents in their kitchens and here’s what they had to say:
Charles - Our Pasta Came Out Really Tragic
My flatmate and I thought getting a carton of spaghetti was a good idea. We got Honeywell, which in my opinion is better than Power Pasta, (although a better option would have been Golden Penny which was sold out everywhere). Although we hadn’t cooked in a long time prior to cooking this, I honestly didn’t think it would be a big deal. Let me just say the whole thing came out glued together, mushy and gross. The worst part is that we still have a whole carton to go.
Wole - My wife ruined our non-stick pot
Before the lockdown, my wife and I never had a reason to cook because none of us liked to cook. Moreover, when we’re not ordering takeout from Chicken Republic and The Place, our mothers brought us food at intervals. No thanks to this lockdown, we’ve been struggling in the kitchen, with her serving as my assistant, washing and chopping ingredients while I cook. Well, during one of our cooking sessions, I randomly turned round to see her diligently scrubbing the life out of our non-stick pot; with an iron sponge!
Buchi - My Cooking Skills Ruined My Dinner Date At Home
Although I love to eat out, I’ve stayed indoors since the 5th reported COVID-19 case was announced to avoid stories that touch. One of the days before the lockdown, I thought to enjoy a romantic dinner at home, I was so I invited my date for dinner at my place. I planned everything to the T, with cute lighting, her favourite drinks and the right music. Cute, right? Well, long story short, I made an absolute mess of the food and had to serve wine and pringles. The ghetto.
Nkoli - My Puff Puff Came Out Like A Fried Sponge
Right before the lockdown, I shopped for baking items to make baked treats while quarantining with my husband. We decided to make puff puff first since I had never tried it before; and boy, was it a disaster! I don’t know what went wrong or when it did. It may have been the yeast, sugar, or even my measurements altogether. After mixing the dough, it remained flat and didn’t rise at all. In the end, the puff-puff looked like a fried sponge and was completely tasteless and formless. I just threw everything away and we ended up eating eba.
Dorothy - I’ve Been Eating Akara And Moi-moi All Week
One afternoon, I felt the strong urge to do something I’ve never done before —fry akara. As expected, I looked up recipes online and they all seemed pretty easy to execute. So I prepped my beans, set aside my spices and got to work. For some reason, I skipped the measurements because I basically eyeballed the beans. It wasn’t until I ended up with two full blenders of ground beans that I realized that I had made a mistake. Now, I not only had to make akara for dinner yesterday but also moi moi for breakfast today and lunch as well. Might also eat it for dinner.
Editor’s note: We know cooking at home can be stressful and this is why we curated the COVID-19 Delivery Guide. You shouldn’t have to eat rice and cereal throughout the lockdown - check out the guide to learn how to order meals from the safety of your home.
Stephanie is a British-born Nigerian novelist, poet, journalist, editor, essayist, and activist who obtained her first degree in Mass Communication, majoring in broadcast journalism at Covenant University. Stephanie writes fiction and non-fiction, enjoys performing arts and exotic food, as should all people with impeccable taste. Her debut novel—Deafening Silence—is the 2019 1st runner up of the Association of Nigerian Authors Prize for Fiction.