All owambe dishes are not created equal, and if you’re a regular at parties, you’ll know this. There are some dishes that are for the most VIP guests while other dishes are popular but...let’s admit it, basic. What you order at the owambe is almost like a reflection of your personality: for example, people that don’t like to rock the boat would most probably go for jollof rice.

This ranking will show you what food should be at the top of every owambe menu, and what dishes are at the bottom of the pile.

Starting with the worst all the way down (or up) to the most elite dishes, this is my ranking of owambe food, if you’re angry, you can write your own list. 

I’m just going to get this out of the way: amala is trash. Glad we all agree. Moving on.

Ranking: How do you even begin to eat amala at a party? Please behave.

'Designer beans' or not, ẹwà agoyin is not a typical Owambe dish but it is actually very popular. Popular doesn't make it authentic though. Shoutout and absolutely no shade to actual agoyin connaisseurs, but can people just stop trying to make owambe ‘designer beans’ fetch. It's okay, you're clearly very hungry and have no food at home, but you deserve better, okay?

Ranking: It will never ever not be a struggle. Just leave it alone, please dears.

There are so many different things to do with rice. You can eat it with a stew or sauce, make jollof or coconut rice, make a pudding or even swallow.  But fried rice? Please, no. Fried rice is so basic, it shouldn’t even make it to an owambe menu, but Nigerians like eating nonsense so, here we are.

It’s even worse when it’s termed ‘Chinese fried rice’ with the eggs and sausages. Owambe fried rice is so terrible it would have made it to the top of my list, but amala and ewedu’s position as the trashiest trash is undefeated.

Ranking: If you’re eating fried rice at an owambe, you clearly have no other option. Poor you.

Jollof rice is actually overrated, I’m not going to stop saying it. It’s the owambe go-to, but ordering jollof rice lacks some imagination. It takes like zero effort or thought to order and eat jollof rice. It just lacks that feeling of having an experience with your food. Wouldn’t you rather have something more adventurous?

Ranking: It’s either good jollof or it’s not, there is no middle ground. May the odds be in your favour.

If you’re ordering for yam pottage or ikokore at a party, you’re in for an adventure! No two pots of yam pottage come out the same, and it’s such a homey meal that it could either be a delicious experience or it could be a bland disaster. 

Ranking: Great choice! Hope you have a strong stomach, and keep several glasses of water handy(they usually make it spicy).

Ofada rice at parties is hot cake! The pungently sharp red oil stew and rancid-smelling mounds of rice are in delicious accompaniment with pieces of ponmo, beef and fish. It’s no wonder only the people with the longest legs snag a plate of this at a party. Bribe an usher or hustle to get a plate of ofada, it’s worth it.

Ranking: The hustle for a plate of ofada at owambes just makes it sweeter.

I'm going to put these two OGs together because their combination is pure magic. Abacha is very popular at Igbo parties, and if you're lucky enough to get a plate of each, then you're very well connected. It's one owambe dish that you might see some select people eating because it's so unreachable. A spicy, delicious experience.

Ranking: If you think you have connects at the party, put it to good use and get some abacha and pepper soup.

Depending on where you’re from, there has to be an elite swallow-and-soup combo that goes platinum without any features at a party. As long as it’s not accompanied by the travesty that is poundo, there’s just something about the craftsmanship and sheer deliciousness of vegetable soup that makes it the top of my owambe menu choice. It’s served to the most respected guests, and exclusivity means you’re getting the best.

Ranking: Partygoers wey sabi know to go for swallow and vegetable soup.