Detty December 

Noun  /ˈdɜː(r)ti dɪˈsembə(r)/

Detty December refers to the series of rocks, parties, concerts and all kinds of activities scheduled towards the end of the year, precisely in the month of December.

Partying in this context is highly subjective, case in point: my own Detty December means I’m at home, feet up with Netflix always on. For some others, that means going out or hosting friends or attending all the concerts scheduled for this time of the year.

Lagos will always come with its own personal brand of wahala during Detty December, and in our benevolence, we’ve decided to come up with solutions in anticipation of all the headache and stress Detty December in Lagos will bring.

Do your shopping early

Oh my god, I cannot stress this enough. You don’t want to be in the mall or in the markets when the holidays are close. Imagine hiked prices, screaming kids, rowdiness, and an incredible amount of noise. Yep, do your shopping now, or you won’t have to imagine it. 

Say No To Gluttony

There’s no way Detty December would not include an insane amount of food, free food for that matter. So as ironic as this is coming from us, try not to pig out, pace yourself and say no to the deadly sin of gluttony. Remember those fit fam resolutions for next year? Right. Easy does it. 

Outsource Cooking If You Can

If you’re going to have people over for Christmas dinner or anything of the sort, please refer to point one and also: on the day you’re hosting, start your cooking early. Or better still: outsource it! Detty December doesn’t include slaving away at the stove anyway. 

Fill up before going out for concerts

Who remembers Iyanya’s concert in 2011 where people were served groundnut and garden egg? Did that really happen? I’ll tell you all about this as soon as I stop laughing hysterically.

I’m not a big fan of concerts in this part of the world because the musicians don’t seem to respect their fans and leave them waiting for hours, many of that spent standing.

So if your version of Detty December includes concerts, please eat before you go and take snacks along if possible. Also, be late. The musicians are always late anyway. 

Watch Out For Traffic Or It Will End In Tears

Do I even have to remind you about the traffic in Lagos? With the IJGBs and all the people that will return to Lagos for the holidays, the traffic will be of astronomical proportions. If you’re going out, leave at least two hours early. Don’t say I didn’t do anything for you.