A Definitive Ranking Of Boarding School Provisions
To me, hearing tales of boarding school is akin to listening to The Chronicles of Narnia–completely foreign, and sort of hard to imagine. I’d always wanted to go, but for my dad who is super protective of his kids and a teacher himself, boarding school was a big fat NO.
From stories of Madam Koi Koi, the vengeful spirit of a woman in red heels, to the terrifying bushbaby, to the worst of them all: bullies, boarding school was something I never got to experience, even for one term. And while schools and rules vary greatly, especially here in Nigeria, one thing was and is always constant: boarders always had provisions to take with them to school. From beverages like Milo to essentials like soap, this is a ranking of the types of food consumed in boarding school from the perspective of someone who never got to attend one
Golden Morn
Image via Christy’s Stores dot com
I am of the opinion that Golden Morn is one of the worst things you can put in your mouth, and it should be banned for anyone 3 years and older. Why are you eating Golden Morn if you’re not an infant?
Ranking: 1/10. Trash
Blue Boat Milk
Image via Facebook
Blue Boat milk was and still is trash. Tastes like suffering masquerading as milk.
Ranking: another 1/10
Sardines
Image via Bulk Price Store
These are great, I won’t lie. But there’s just something about fish and oil in a can that makes me nauseous. I eat it only in extreme conditions of hunger.
Ranking: 2/10
Bread and butter
Image via Abi global foods dot com
The only way I can eat butter is when it’s mixed with sardines, spread on bread for toast, or used in cooking. Any other way, I cannot stand it. I do acknowledge that it’s a pretty important condiment. Just not my cup of tea.
Ranking: For this reason:3/10.
Richoco
Image via Wawa Mart dot com
Richoco is quite disappointing because it’s a Cadbury product and I know Cadbury to produce excellent chocolate anything, but this one is just a big no-no. Its texture is basically coarse sand mixed with sugar: gross. Milo is what Richoco aspires to be, but will never quite reach.
Ranking: Another 3/10
Geisha
Image via Ola’s Food Market
This is just a step away from sardines, I don’t think I’ll ever be ok with preserved fish in a can.
Ranking: 4/10
Yale/Oxford Cabin Biscuits
Image via Ola’s Food Market
I remember these quite fondly, they were best paired with tasty time(especially the grape flavour.)
Ranking: 5/10
Boom Juice
Boom Juice was a lesson in frugality, though we didn’t know it at the time. Highly concentrated, maybe a little too sweet in retrospect, but all in all, a pretty solid provision, especially when paired with cabin biscuits.
Ranking: This one is a solid 6/10
Milo
Image via Amazon.
What’s their tagline again? The food drink for champions or something? I actually agree with that. Enough said.
Ranking: 7/10
Nasco Corn Flakes
Image via Shawnmart dot com.
I said what I said. Nasco is an elite brand of cornflakes, king over all the rest and that includes Kellogg’s. Sorry, not sorry Denise.
Ranking: 8/10
Garri
Image via Daily Advent dot com
Look I’m not sorry about this one either. Also, it’s not my fault. Garri was all my mom wanted when she was pregnant with me and I still love it till this day. Garri would always be there for you in tough times when the cornflakes and golden morn have finished.
Ranking: A solid 9/10
Peak Milk
Image via Easy Commerce Hub
Peak has been a consistent brand through the years, coming through for boarding schools kids, homemade blood tonic(milk and malt) and Saturday breakfasts of ogi or custard. I stan.
Ranking: 10/10