A Definitive Ranking of Celebration Box Chocolates
Image credit via Reuters
Assorted chocolates are a necessity for every occasion, and the Celebration box is one of the most popular boxes there is. The Celebration box combines some of the most well-known chocolate brands within Nigeria and the world at large.
Although the box contains some of the world’s bestselling chocolate bars’, it goes without saying that not all chocolates are created equal. Fact is, even within the box, some chocolate bars are much better than their counterparts. We all love chocolates for different reasons and I’ve decided to immortalise — too dramatic? — my chocolate preferences in an article, simply because I can.
Here’s my official ranking of chocolates in the Celebration box from worst (double yikes) to best (I’ll be buying the company, thank you).
Mars
Image credit: Britishcornershop.co.uk
In my absolute opinion, I do not think Mars should be anything other than a planet named after a Roman god. Is this chocolate real? Do people actually enjoy this, and willingly? Shook! Mars is not an enjoyable chocolate bar — at least in my opinion. The chocolate-malt nougat has a weird texture and the caramel does absolutely nothing to improve on this.
Overall, I think it’s a bottom barrel chocolate bar and my personal version of hell would be getting fed Mars bars with Taylor Swift’s ‘Our Song’ on repeat in the background.
Rating: Double yikes.
Snickers
Snickers and Mars are close, you know. They’re in the same WhatsApp group. They’re at the same social events, they live in the same neighbourhood and most likely have the same group of friends. They’re both equally disappointing and most definitely belong at the bottom of this list.
Snickers and Mars bars are essentially the same; nougat topped with caramel encased in milk chocolate. The only proper difference between Snickers and Mars bars is that the former contains peanuts; and that is what makes it tolerable. In all honesty, these nuts are the only reason it’s not a two-way double yikes tie in last place between Snickers and Mars
Mars Inc, please give us better. Rating: A single yikes will suffice.
Twix
Image credit: Amazon
Twix is in the bottom three by association. This chocolate bar is produced by Mars Inc., the same brand responsible for Mars bars. Keeping that in mind, I don’t see how anything spectacular can come from the company that birthed Mars bars.
I’ll be honest with you, Twix bars are not all bad. As observed, I don’t particularly fancy caramel in chocolate bars but this bar’s blend of caramel, wafers and milk chocolate is delicious, just not as delicious or spectacular as the rest of the Celebration box.
Rating: No yikes. Just a ‘meh’. A sad ‘meh’.
Bounty
Image credit: Amazon
Let me make this crisp and clear; I will not tolerate any form of Bounty slander in the comments section, on your Twitter timeline and in real life. I WILL THROW HANDS. I WILL THROW KNIVES. I WILL THROW ANYTHING THROWABLE.
In my honest opinion, I think Bounty slander only happens as a result of peer pressure. It’s a chocolate bar that works. Milk chocolate stuffed with coconut shavings is easily one of the most appealing combinations there is. Bounty is like the Jorja Smith of chocolates; it’s never really done anything wrong, absolutely peng but everyone simply loves to hate it. You can do better, people. I promise!
Rating: Neither a yikes nor a meh. A simple smile because that’s my exact reaction when I eat my Bounty bars.
Milky Way
In my opinion, Milky Way bars are one of the only chocolate bars the Mars Inc. has gotten right. Why? They took out the bloody caramel!
There’s a cloud of complications which surround Milky Way bars. There are two versions of the chocolate bar; the UK/World version and the US version which is strikingly similar to Mars bars. The UK/World version bears a striking semblance to America’s 3 Musketeers chocolate bar.
Image credit: Hancocks
The UK/World version consists of a nougat wrapped in chocolate. This nougat comes in fun flavours including mango, strawberry and chocolate. The chocolate-flavoured nougat is only available in Australia, I’m afraid.
Rating: Milky Way bars are great. One bite and you can visibly feel the happiness spreading across your face, morphing into a smile.
Galaxy Caramel
Galaxy Caramel bars are a variant of Galaxy bars infused with caramel and this is one of those cases of caramel done right. These bars are delicious!
Galaxy Caramel bars and all variants of the Galaxy bar are also produced by Mars, Inc. With the exception of the actual Mars bars, I’d say this company actually knows their way around confectionaries. The Galaxy Caramel bar is a soft, creamy milk coating over fluffy caramel. The richness of the chocolate heavily compliments the glossy texture of the caramel.
Rating: I’d like to buy the company but producing Mars Bars will stain my white.
Image credit: Hancocks
Galaxy
I’m over the moon for Galaxy bars. They’re simply out of this world! These chocolate bars are hands down one of the greatest chocolate bars of all time.
Produced by Mars, Inc. the Galaxy bar is a rich, soft and creamy milk chocolate bar whose fate is to melt deliciously in your mouth. The chocolate is so rich, with a texture so soft and fluffy, I dare wonder how it’s possible to NOT enjoy it.
Rating: I would have acquired this company but Mars. Tears and sighs
Maltesers
Maltesers are ultimately my favourite chocolate bars. They’re a premium brand. They’re top two and definitely NOT number two. Have you ever witnessed Malteser slander? Of course not! Why? It’s simply not possible! Greatness is greatness and Maltesers are great. I’m willing to forgive the Mars Inc. for creating Mars and Snickers on account of Maltesers. It feels like this is the company’s only begotten son in whom it is well pleased.
Photo credit: iStock Photo
Maltesers are spheroid milk chocolate bars with malted milk in the centre. Fun fact; the chocolate was originally released in the UK and targeted mainly at women.
Rating: Maltesers are hands down the best chocolate bars to grace the Celebration box and that's that on that. Argue with your confectionary company.
Image credit: Giphy/RHOA
If you could add one chocolate bar to the Celebration box, which would it be? For me, it would be Dairy Milk.
Let me see your answers and why in the comment section!