Takeout Burgers: Topsi's Burger Lab
FOLLY: I think I’d like to start off this review by telling the backstory that led to and initially didn’t lead to ordering from Topsi’s Burger Lab.
At first, it was a mistaken identity, I initially had them confused with Uptown Burgers which by all accounts on the Internet is tragic. You may or may not get your food and will spend 3 business days begging for your refund. Or you could beg that bacon not be anywhere near your order cause halal, and 5 hours later your order will arrive with, you guessed it, bacon.
NOSA: I had none of this context. Just thought their Instagram name was long and razz.
FOLLY: I thought the two were the same and so I stayed clear during peak lockdown last year and made my own burgers - even the bread.
A couple of weeks ago, I saw a tweet about Topsi’s being really good and then I was able to differentiate between them and other tragic burger guys.
So, we ordered.
It was a Sunday afternoon and the entire process was pain-free.
From the time I placed my order to receiving the delivery, it was ~ 90 minutes. Delivery as well wasn’t a struggle as the Gokada rider didn’t call for a million directions, in fact, he only called when he was at the gate.
NOSA: Random aside: whoever cracks this last bit of logistics is going to win. God knows I hate having to describe my location every time. Dodo Pizza also does an elite job with its deliveries.
FOLLY: Our order was over 10k so we qualified for the free delivery within Ikoyi to Chevron.
FOLLY: Our order was Bougie (for me), Hickory BBQ Bougie Bac XL for Nosa, and the Lobster Prawn Roll and Herb Potato Discs to share. Since that doesn’t mean much to you, here are the descriptions of each
Bougie - Premium beef patty, 2x cheese, sautéed onions, crispy lettuce, and garlic and sriracha mayo.
Hickory BBQ Bougie Bac XL - XL premium beef patty, 2x cheese, 2x bacon, sautéed onions, crispy lettuce, jalapenos, and hickory bbq sauce.
Lobster Prawn Roll - Herb and chilli spiced seafood chunks in a toasted roll, iceberg lettuce, and garlic and sriracha mayo.
In terms of the quantity of the beef, their menus state that their burgers are all a quarter pound.
NOSA: The pictures aren’t the prettiest, but these burgers '“carry” well. Very much like RSVP’s. A big concern for me when I order burgers for takeout is that I end up eating some soggy mess. This pretty much ruined Urban Fuxion for me, especially.
FOLLY: It might sound cliché, but I bit into my burger (the bougie) and the flavour jumped out.
NOSA: I’m not even going to go that deep, I was just so happy this burger wasn’t “razz”. Topsi’s really needs to change the Instagram handle because I was fully expecting one of those ones with random vegetables in it like carrots or cabbage. Look, once you go past one underscore is your social media name, you’re approaching razz territory and the stigma that comes with it. I don’t make the rules.
FOLLY: Deep.
Hickory BBQ Bougie Bac XL
FOLLY: Smash burgers are what the name suggests but not completely smashed. Check out this video by @costcogrilldad (Nosa’s favourite YT cook) or a visual of what a smashed patty looks like.
I’ve watched enough episodes of 4 Levels and that food scientist lady is always talking about the Maillard reaction.
A well seasoned and smashed burger is going to taste mind-blowing. This because by smashing you’re creating a larger surface area for the Maillard reaction (i.e the meat proteins and sugars interact with the heat) to happen. Then the browning and cooking happen and the flavours really intensify. It’s science and this is a really good article that will get you started on how it happens and what we understand about it.
L - Hickory BBQ Bougie Bac XL | R - Bougie
Long story short, Topsi’s Burger Labs patties are ultra-thin and taste so good because of everything I’ve just described above and they also clearly season their meat. Smash burgers also make more structurally sound sandwiches that are much easier to eat. The burger also had a nice kick from the sriracha mayo and the bun was soft and oh my days, I’m trying not to compare it to the thing everyone always says “soft as …” because that’s wrong in this context. It was a soft and slightly sweet roll, a perfect balance to the savoury and spicy inside. Again, swalty (sweet and salty) is another science-backed combination.
NOSA: These burgers reminded me of picking up a Whataburger drunk from the drive-thru at 3 am after the clubhouse.
Yes, that very specific feeling.
Meanwhile, why aren’t more people exploring the drive-thru in Lagos? A “The Place” drive-thru off Lekki - Epe would absolutely kill it.
Back to the burger. For context, I’d put it a step above the stuff from BBQ & Cravings. That’s how good this was.
FOLLY: Herb potato discs > fries all day. I get fries just because it’s the default side but whenever I see an alternative, I jump at it. These were so good! Tender on the inside with just a little bite on the exterior.
On the prawn and lobster roll though, I think I have an aversion to bread and seafood together.
Lobster rolls, prawn tacos, tuna sandwiches, everything has been a no for my tastebuds. I keep thinking maybe it’s them not me but I’ve finally realized it’s me and not them.
NOSA: Nah, this isn’t just you. I don’t think the Prawn & Lobster Roll did anything for me.
FOLLY: The components of the Prawn and Lobster roller were delicious because I tried it on its own.
And then I ate everything together and it wasn’t working. It has a spicy kick, so it is a Nigerian food lovers dream. I don’t want to knock it because I know that this one is on me.
Prawn & Lobster Roll
NOSA: A structural disaster. Compared to the burger buns, the buns here were a mess. Seriously approaching “this is getting stale so let’s recuse it somehow” territory.
FOLLY: There was that too.
Why did I order it though? It sounded nice and it was only after I ate this that I decided I’m no longer ordering seafood sandwiches.
NOSA: Same.
FOLLY: To close, Topsi’s Burger Lab is so good. 10/10 I recommend.
Especially at their price point, if you’re paying N7,500 plus for a burger in Lagos when there are alternatives, anything you get you better take it like that.
POSTSCRIPT
FOLLY: A gem arising from lockdown.
NOSA: Please change that Insta name for the love of God.
VERDICT
DAMAGE
Bougie - N4000
Hickory BBQ Bougie Bac XL - N5500
Lobster Prawn Roll - N6000
Herb Potato Discs - N500