A Year On, NOIR Regresses to the Mean
NOSA: A few weeks ago, we ran a question tag on our Instagram about the most expensive dinners in Lagos. Most people mentioned NOIR and for the most part, they all felt like it was a waste of money. A far cry from our impression when we reviewed them a little under two years ago.
If NOIR has fallen off, it’s only right we keep the people updated, no? I guess NOIR felt the same way because they recently rejigged the menu a bit. Good timing for our visit.
FOLLY: The communication was an ALL NEW MENU but it was a more a menu update while retaining some old favourites.
NOSA: Check out the full menu HERE. I think there’s a new chef in the kitchen because a lot of the new items aren’t particularly new. They’re just new takes on old items.
FOLLY: The waiter did a good job of pointing out the new items when asked, he also let me know in what ways the old items were changed. For example, he explained that the frog legs were now bigger and breaded with coconut so it is crispier.
NOSA: Adjusting to the local palate if you’re being honest. Of all the properly new things, the pork belly in the main course section caught my attention. But, guess what? It wasn’t available, Lagos always finds novel ways to let you down.
FOLLY: I arrived before Nosa and when the waiter proactively informed me that the Pork Belly was unavailable because of a “disappointing supplier”, I knew Nosa was going to be sad. He’s never seen pork belly on a restaurant menu and not ordered it.
Raviola
Mushroom Vol au Vent
NOSA: I went with the Ravioli instead and it didn’t disappoint. Probably my highlight of our lunch. If you’re running a bit skint in the bank account and your rich friends drag you out, you can order this as your main and get away with it.
PS: beets are apparently the new signature thing at NOIR so expect it EVERYWHERE
FOLLY: Including the Mushroom Vol au Vent even though it didn’t state it on the menu. Beetroot tastes like earth and I find them bitter so, I don’t know why they’d let beetroot frame this dish without warning us on the menu. The puff pastry was flaky and buttery, but I disliked the filling due to the beets.
NOSA: For my main, I got the NOIR Burger. I don’t think they had a burger on the menu when we visited originally. I guess this was added to make the menu a bit more accessible.
FOLLY: They had a Noir Burger in the Terrace menu but the waiter also informed me that they also changed it, substituting caramelised onions for crispy onions and the brioche bun for cuttlefish ink dyed bun. He also let us know that for customers who are uneasy about the black buns that can be replaced.
FOLLY: My main was the Noir Linguini. I don’t dislike squid ink pasta but this should probably come with a warning cause I’ve read comments from people who are uneasy about it, so getting it without knowing it was coming will definitely throw some people off.
NOSA: The burger isn’t as exciting as it looks, to be honest. It’ll make a great Instagram picture but it’s not the best one I’ve had in Lagos. It’s not terrible but it’s not great either. Imagine the Wenger years before it all went to shit at Arsenal. This is the burger version of that. It’s not quite good enough to challenge for the title but it’s not bad enough to miss out on the Champions League.
Elite mediocrity.
FOLLY: The pasta was super okay, the cream was overwhelming and I didn’t expect it to be that pronounced. This was is on me though because it was right there in the description. I had an expectation of a white wine, butter sauce with seafood and I got something different.
NOSA: At 6500, I don’t have too many complaints but I can see why a lot of people can come here and feel like they wasted money. Like the burger, everything looks really nice. From the decor to the furniture to waiters’ outfits. But it doesn’t taste as good as it looks. If it was a little rough around the edges like a Crust & Cream, you might even forgive.
But it’s not.
Walking into Noir raises your expectations, which makes the burger taste extra mid when it honestly isn’t too bad for what it’s worth.
FOLLY: The pasta did disappoint me compared to what I had in mind. They didn’t cheat on the truffle though so very good on them. We’ve ordered truffle fries in Lagos and there was nary a truffle to be tasted.
NOSA: I have no significant complaints about NOIR. Ok, I thought Folly’s pasta was rubbish, but beyond that, it didn’t disappoint me. I wasn’t particularly excited but it’s not as bad as the responses to our question tag made it seem.
FOLLY: Yeah, I didn’t feel like an absolute rip off and won’t blow you away but it didn’t feel like a complete waste of money either
NOSA: Oh, the Apple Crumble is pretty good. Might be the only one I like in Lagos
FOLLY: He only likes it because it had more crust than apple filling. It wasn’t a very deep crumble so there was only so much space for the apple filling so it ended up being more about the crust.
POSTSCRIPT
NOSA: All good but nothing remarkable enough to blow my mind. Maybe it’s pricey for regular food
FOLLY: Standard Lagos restaurant fare. The food is expensive but won’t blow you away.
VERDICT
DAMAGE
Prawn Ravioli - N6500
Mushroom Vol au Vent - N5000
NOIR Linguini - N7000
NOIR Beef Burger - N6800
PARKING
About 10 spots all together, might be a struggle when the restaurant is busy.