Placebo Restaurant & Bar

51 Basheer Shittu Avenue, Magodo GRA Phase 2 | Instagram | 0904 169 5561

A little backstory: For months, I had been planning on trying out Placebo for a few reasons:

• It was close to me and I was always excited to find nice-looking restaurants close by. I didn't want to always have to spend a lot on Uber to enjoy a good meal at a nice restaurant.

• I had seen good reviews from people whose opinions I trusted.

• Their Instagram was impressive and I thought their menu looked interesting.

I finally made my way there and to sum up the experience in two words: huge flop. It was a disaster that got progressively worse. I couldn't believe how bad my experience was. However, I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and went a second time to give them a chance to redeem themselves.

Spoiler alert: They actually did much better the second time around, but let’s take you through the disastrous visit first.

On my first visit, I was a bit confused because Placebo shares a building with a men's hair salon, and I had to find my way to the restaurant. I walked past the outdoor seating by the bar but I wanted to sit inside. Unfortunately, the restaurant was too full, as there were two separate parties going on. On one end, there was a long row of Gen Zs playing board games (which the restaurant provided) and on the other end, there was a long row of parents, everyone doing their own thing.

Again, there was no host/server to direct me, so I had to find a seat for myself. It took a while for my guest to arrive, but when she did, I finally got some customer service. One of two waiters, who seemed to be the only ones serving both indoors and outdoors, came to take our order.

We asked for the "Lamp” (I think they meant Lamb) Roll and Spicy Puff Puff for the starter, but they were unavailable. We then asked for the Trio of Sliders, but that was also unavailable. The server offered prawn crackers, spring rolls and gizzard, but we weren't interested in that, so we settled for chicken wings.

We also ordered two of their signature cocktails, "Ball Pasta" and "Oko Oju Omi," and a Tiramisu for dessert. A few minutes later, the bartender came over to get our drink order, which our waiter had never passed on 🙇🏽‍♀️. When we repeated the order, we were told that all nine of their signature cocktails were unavailable, and even classic cocktails were not on the menu.

We ended up ordering a "Sex on the Beach" and a "Mojito." My "Sex on the Beach" was an utter disappointment and tasted like vodka mixed with Chivita orange juice, with no cranberry or peach flavors detected. It paineddd me, because that’s my drink! 😭 The Mojito, at least, tasted like it was supposed to.

For nearly an hour, our waiter was nowhere in sight. When she finally appeared, we complained about the wait time, and she commented "I know, I know," without apologies or explanation. Finally, 10 minutes later, my "Oko Oju Omi" arrived. 

It was supposed to be a grilled plantain boat stuffed with asun, but what was served was a plantain raft with some "asun" in the center that had no flavor. The “asun” is in quotes because it did not asun at all 🚫. PLUS I have no idea why they grilled overripe plantain, as it was way too soft. That’s probably why they couldn’t construct a boat with it? Or maybe in their minds, that’s what a plantain boat looked like.

My guest's "Ball Pasta," which was supposed to be spaghetti and meatballs, came shortly after. The dish had chunks of goat meat, but they called it meatballs, and the spaghetti tasted like basic jollof spaghetti.

Somehow, my guest and I still had hope for the chicken wings, which were supposed to come as our starter. When we asked for an update well into the meal, the wings had not even been started.

Why would you put an item on your starter menu if you know it’s going to take forever to make?

I was baffled.

Oh, the Tiramisu was a no-show as well. At that point, we just asked for the bill so we could be on our very un-merry way out of there.

I was hoping we just caught them on a really bad day and they’re not usually like that, but honestly, it was terrible! The, I assume, manager apologised to some other guests for their slow delivery and explained that they were grossly understaffed and had only two people running the kitchen, but even though, upon still... 

This was a Sunday evening, it was definitely not the best time for them not to have their act together. The only highlight of the night was the music situation. It almost distracted me from how bad everything else was. Plus points for ambience, I guess.

The second time ’round...

I tried to go in with an open mind, but I was still scarred from the first visit. This time, however, things were looking up from the start, as the same server who attended to us on the previous visit was all smiles and warmly directed me to an empty table. Finally, some customer service. The better service was probably due to the restaurant not being too crowded and the server not being overworked.

Once again, there was no Tiramisu (or any other dessert) available, and the starter options were still scarce. I ordered the same Oko Oju Omi and Ball Pasta for my guest and myself. This time, it took about 40 minutes for both of our orders to arrive—a slight improvement, but still not ideal. No one should have to wait that long for plantain, meat, and tomato pasta. Surprisingly, the Ball Pasta was legitimate this time, and they had replaced spaghetti with penne. I was left wondering if they misheard my order the first time or if they simply failed to mention that Ball Pasta wasn't available, because what we were served the first time was unacceptable.

The tomato sauce that came with the pasta was delicious! I couldn't get enough of it. It was slightly spicy and full of flavor. The Ball Pasta was quite similar to Penne Arrabbiata, but without the cheese toppings. The meatballs were also juicy and well-immersed in the sauce.

The Oko Oju Omi was still a plantain raft, but this time, unripe plantains were used for the roast, resulting in the correct texture. The gizzard replaced the asun since it wasn't available, and the gizzard bits and pepper sauce were impressive. It was disappointing to realize that this was the chef's idea of a plantain boat.

POSTSCRIPT

I’m completely confused by the turnaround, but based on the second visit, I guess Placebo will be seeing me again

verdict

DAMAGE 

Sex on the Beach — N4000

Mojito — N4000

Ball Pasta — N6000

Oko Oju Omi — N4000

PARKING

Could probably take up to 10 cars