Disappointment in a Bun at Temple Cottage
NOSA: A while ago, the owner/chef/manager/person in charge at Temple Cottage invited us over to get a full proper introduction to Temple Cottage. Like always, we turned it down because you can never tell who is trying to pour acid on you in this Lagos.
FOLLY: I’ve never actually gone to Temple Cottage because I wanted to. The first time, I was very full but Nosa told me we had to go cause we needed to review somewhere. I didn’t enjoy it then but two years later Nosa suggested we go, all out of counter suggestions, I went along hoping that it’d be better than the previous time.
NOSA: Maybe we should have taken him up on the offer because our recent visit was very memorable and not in a good way.
FOLLY: The service was bad but the food was worse. They don’t appear to have full-time wait staff as we sat for about 30 minutes waiting to be served until I walked up to the receptionist to ask for a waiter. She then admitted that "he isn’t around today" and so, she’d take the order. I wonder why she left us seating for so long if she knew no one was coming.
She took the orders but that wasn’t without event as she returned from the kitchen twice to inform us that our choices were unavailable, the third time she returned with the chef to reduce the back and forth. This was he could tell us in real-time what he had and could make. In his words:
“Honestly, somethings on this menu, we’ve never made them here before.
My boss just came one day put them on the menu and that’s it.
Like this item here [while pointing at a burger], I’ve never seen it before and I don’t know what they put inside.”
NOSA: Cyril, if the offer still stands, we might be interested. Maybe we can try the burgers we wanted.
It honestly felt like there was nothing available on the menu. The interesting-sounding wings? Nope, not that.
The fancy burger? Nope, not that either.
Like, I have seen it all on Temple Cottage’s Instagram but on this fine day, nothing was available.
FOLLY: We eventually settled for:
Barbecue Chicken Wings
Craft Temple Burger
Classic Cheeseburger
NOSA: As soon as our “Temple Cottage Dining Experience” started on such a sour note, it was an uphill battle to find anything redeemable. The fridge in the restaurant area went from “oh, a branded fridge from your sponsors” to “oh, that’s where they store their Kraft singles cheese”.
FOLLY: And we kid you not, the chef emerged from the kitchen and fished out the bread rolls stored in the topmost shelf of the fridge and the cheese slices from the fridge in the dining area.
NOSA: I guess you get what you pay for. The burgers at Temple Cottage don’t drill a hole in the pocket and in that regard, it’s pretty good value of money. One thing it’s not, however, is Lagos’ best burger. I’ve seen you liars say it on the internet. May God forgive you all.
FOLLY: I disagree at being value for money because the Temple Craft Burger is N5000 and they still use Kraft singles.
NOSA: Yeah, you have a point there.
FOLLY: I know I few places in Lagos where you’d pay N5000 for a burger and get real cheese and bread that wasn’t pulled out of a refrigerator. In my opinion, the only redeemable quality about the burger was that the patty was seasoned.
NOSA: I promise the service isn’t clouding my memory of the burger. The burgers we got on the day were nowhere as good as the ones we had in 2017. The burger tasted like a McDonald’s dollar menu burger that hopped on a flight to Lagos
NOSA: Oh, we didn’t mention anything about the wings. Well, they tasted like wings. We probably have a picture of it somewhere but I still upset and not in the mood to look for it.
POSTSCRIPT
NOSA: Only check it out if the owner is around. Call ahead if you have to.
FOLLY: For me, it’s a hard pass.
VERDICT
DAMAGE
Chicken Wings - N2500
Temple Craft Burger - N5000
Classic Cheeseburger - N3800
PARKING
Eh. Not a lot. Like, 5 spots.