7 Things That Absolutely Don't Belong In A Plate Of Jollof Rice
One of the things that unite Nigerians, both locally and in the diaspora, is our collective love for jollof rice. Given the massive popularity of jollof rice, numerous individuals, have continued to take a spin on the Nigerian delicacy. One of the biggest - and most tragic - spins on it was Jamie Oliver’s infamous recipe of 2014.
British world-class chef, Jamie Oliver missed the mark completely with his interpretation of jollof rice simply because he ‘over-accessorised’ the dish. Instead of keeping it simple and fresh like we’re used to, he decided to prepare the dish with a slew of herbs including coriander, parsley and, wait for it, a lemon wedge *deep negro shudder*.
While this recipe may have tasted ‘divine’ on the palates it was created for, the recipe simply wasn’t the jollof rice we know and love. Lemon wedges have no business in a plate of jollof rice and you know what else doesn’t? Everything else on this list. Here are some food items that should never be caught in a plate of jollof:
1. Green Peas
Green peas are a great vegetable if you’re trying to make a plate of fried rice or a salad. However, peas have no business in a plate of jollof rice. I understand that the idea behind adding pease to the plate may be to decorate the plate but it doesn’t work. Stop it.
Verdict: Take it away, sweetheart. Far far away.
2. Sweet Corn
Corn itself is absolutely vile. Sweet corn is still corn and as you can imagine, it is just as vile as well. Just like with green peas, I think the idea behind adding sweet corn to jollof rice is for aesthetics. Does it look good? Maybe. Does it taste good? Nope. You know what that means!
Verdict: Siri, please play Away Away by Ibeyi. Quickly, please.
3. Liver slices
I like liver. In fact, I’ve defended its honour on different occasions. However, even with all the love I have for cooked liver, I am certain that it has no business in a plate of jollof rice. Liver’s presence in fried rice is still a mainstream debate and some of you think it’s okay to chuck it in a plate of Jollof? Wild.
Verdict: If you consume liver with your jollof, I really want your plug because someone has to have sold you the audacity.
4. Carrots
Carrots are a versatile vegetable. You can fry them, stew them, eat them in salads and so many other dishes. It’s a vegetable that likes adventure. With all its love for adventure, I cannot see any reason why carrots are present in a plate of jollof rice. For contrast? For texture? WHAT IS THE REASON?
Verdict: Get your Vitamin A elsewhere, please.
5. Leafy Vegetables
Traditional Nigerian cuisine makes use of several leafy vegetables. From ugwu to okazi to waterleaf and bitter leaf, there are several vegetables to take a pick from when cooking. I’ll tell you this for free, though. You should absolutely not be looking at leafy vegetables if your plan is to cook jollof rice. Did you really go to the market to buy Ugwu for jollof rice? Is everything alright? Yikes.
Verdict: If you serve me a plate of jollof rice and I mistakenly sight Ugwu floating everywhere, I will fight you
6. Corned Beef
Image credit: Ali Baba
I thought I’d seen it all until the day I was offered a plate of jollof rice which had corned beef in it. Adding corned beef to jollof rice is a deliberate act of terrorism and it must not be condoned. I’m not going to pretend I understand why this is done. All I will ask is why? Why? WHY?
Verdict: If this is something you do and fancy, you’re an unrepentant terrorist and I hope the government fishes you out soon.
7. Parsley
Parsley is an OG herb. Put some parsley on almost anything and it immediately tastes better. Almost anything. Dearly beloved, I put it to you that parsley does not belong in a plate of jollof rice. Don’t try to defend it. Don’t try to rationalise it. See what happened when Jamie Oliver did it. Just let it go.
Verdict: If you’re so pressed to sprinkle parsley on something, by all means, sprinkle some on yourself. Nobody wants to eat you, anyway.