Zen Garden

60 Isaac John Street. Ikeja, Lagos

01 773 1476.

NOSA: Is this place Zen Garden or Jade Garden?  Google Maps says it’s on Isaac John Street but sends you to Toyin Street.

If not for Foursquare, we’d have been finished, yanno?

FOLLY: We eventually had to call them to find out where exactly they were.

NOSA: Mainland rocks so stressful.

FOLLY: I hate Ikeja traffic. I also hate traffic in general. But then I thought the traffic wouldn’t be that bad because long weekend and stuffs but no, you people don’t like to sit in your house.

We also nearly died cause the door flew off a danfo on Ikorodu road and was coming straight for us. We really do this for the people. Put my life on the line for y’all and what do I get.

NOSA: Fashola has definitely “worked” on that Isaac John Street. Definitely has.

FOLLY: Rants aside, the food was pretty good, expensive, but good all the the same.

NOSA: The space is sooooo huge. (That’s what she said)

FOLLY: #NastyNosa

NOSA: I wonder if it’s the same guys that own Pearl Garden in VI because the interior is really really similar. This place had a couple of Asians in it too, so defs legit.

The menu was A LOT to take in. I think I got full as soon as I saw the thing and we hadn’t even decided what to order yet. Anyway we started with Steamed Pork Dumplings and the Prawn Mayo Spring Rolls.

FOLLY: Kinda like Lihao’s menu but less exhausting.

NOSA: Lihao’s menu needs a Math degree to understand it.

FOLLY: I really tried to convince Nosa to try the Sweet Corn and Chicken soup but he wasn’t having it. Tbh I bet this isn’t a real chinese dish. The first Chinese restaurant in Nigeria probably created it and it has just stuck with us

NOSA: Because it looked disgusting. Couldn’t even get a decent picture of the thing.

FOLLY: It’s not a looker but it still gets love. It’s kind of like when you realize Honey Boo Boo’s mother got a man but you’re still single.

NOSA: I loved the dumplings, especially because the pork actually tasted like pork and not that thing Lihao had. Oh, I tried using chopsticks with it...lol na me fuck up.

FOLLY: Before I tasted this I reminded Nosa how I don’t steamed dumplings but these were sooo different. The casing did not taste like floury or like rubber. Guess I could say I’m a convert.

NOSA: The spring rolls came highly recommended. By highly recommended, I mean one babe on Foursquare said it was really good. Speaking of Foursquare, I really wish they never created that Swarm app. Everything was fine until they ruined it by splitting the functionality. Yelp needs to come to Nigeria and save us abeg.

FOLLY: Prawn mayo spring rolls were good but I’m not a connoisseur like that.

NOSA: For our main, we went with the BBQ Spare Ribs and the Special Fried Noodles (aka the one with chicken, beef, and shrimp).

FOLLY: Food court noodles of life, bruh. Looked like it and tasted like it. Nothing gourmet about this one.

NOSA: I know this one girl whose ex boyfriend used to take her on dates to the food court in the mall. She just started college in America at the time. Poor babe.

Anyway, the ribs weren’t the greatest. The BBQ sauce tasted better than the actual rib meat.

FOLLY: I really liked the sauce on the ribs. I even scooped it unto my noodles like stew. Yum.

NOSA: The meat on it was tough and chewy. 0 fall-off-the-bone rating. I think BBQ & Cravings might have the best ribs I’ve had in Lagos so far. Theirs was really well made and it blows my mind how other places can’t get it right. Bake it in an oven THEN grill it. Simple stuff.

FOLLY: Osheyyy Texan with the BBQ hands. Please teach them! On the real, can you be a food consultant on “barbecue cuisines” ? I can already imagine your business card.

POSTSCRIPT

FOLLY: Our starters were the real star of this experience. If I ever go back we’ll probably just get a bunch of starters and pretend we’re doing dim sum or something.

NOSA: If I’m being honest, this meal wasn’t worth the drive. If you’re in the area, it’s a decent option for sure. If you’re not, you don’t have to drive this far and pay this much for half decent Chinese. You can get that just about anywhere.

DAMAGE

Steamed Pork Dumplings - N2200

Sweet Corn and Chicken Soup - N1700 (bowl)

Prawn Mayo Spring Rolls - N800 (each)

Special Fried Noodles - N3600

BBQ Spare Ribs - N3900