Five Cowries @ Oriental Hotel

3 Lekki-Epe Express Way, Lagos

01 280 6600

NOSA: The original plan was to go to Radisson Blu, but for some reason we found ourselves at Oriental Hotel. Chalk this one up to old age and/or my inability to read. 

FOLLY: I'm always complaining that Nosa doesn't  pick out places and always leaves me choose. This might be the first time I completely left him to plan and execute. It all makes sense now, homeboy is getting old. 

NOSA: That aside, has anyone noticed how cheap the cocktails are at the poolside bar?

FOLLY: Ignore the N2600 cocktails. We mean the ones priced under N1200. On the next page, the margarita was  even N1800

NOSA: I don't think I've run into cheaper cocktails in Lagos. If you've found any cheaper, drop a line in comments because I'm genuinely curious. It's also really weird because the food is silly expensive.

A grilled cheese for $17? And I'm being super conservative with that conversion. 

Like, more or less this thing...

...for $17?

Absolute madness. 

FOLLY: It's with chips and coleslaw noww. Jk it's still daylight robbery.

NOSA: Anyway, we respected our wallets and got their Suya Trio (Chicken, Beef, & Shrimp Suya) and the Buffalo Wings. Were you ever proper broke in college that when you went out with friends you only ordered an appetizer? They ask if that's all you're getting and you go, "Yeah, I'm not too hungry". Meanwhile, you're shedding mad tears on the inside. 

FOLLY: Bruv, I sometimes used to leave my wallet at home when I was going to class so I won't do mistake and branch at somewhere I can't afford while I was out. 

NOSA: Good times. 

NOSA: The Buffalo Wings weren't too Buffalo-y. Like, it was just fried chicken with a side of bleu cheese, which is cool but that's not we ordered. 

FOLLY: In the chicken's defense it was neither tough nor fried in weeks old oil, so it tasted you know, fresh.

NOSA: The suya was pure garbage though. That's all I'll be saying on this matter. 

FOLLY: I'll elaborate. It came cold so we asked them to microwave it. It also tasted like no suya an aboki ever made, a Chinese chef made that suya. 

POSTSCRIPT

NOSA: If we went to Glover Court, we could have gotten proper suya and pump price Star Radler for way less than we spent here. SMH

FOLLY: I was unimpressed because we wasted our money. We even paid N1000 for Star Radler, it's N200 for crying out loud. 

VERDICT

DAMAGE

Suya Trio - N2500

Buffalo Wings  - N2500