About That Restaurant Yesterday...
BLD by Play
NOSA: I found out about this place after creeping on some babe's Instagram. Come for the thirst, stay for the restaurant tips.
FOLLY: You got what you deserved lowks. I don't know why I had to be dragged along to suffer.
NOSA: BLD = Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner.
Just in case you were wondering.
The space is pretty weird, like the restaurant equivalent of Frankenstein. There is the main restaurant area, which I absolutely love; the "rooftop" bar, which is pretty chill on its own; and there's the seedy lounge, which you need a bottle to sit in.
FOLLY: Natch, the seedy lounge was empty cause ain't nobody got time for that.
NOSA: I think it's owned by the Play guys in Abuja. Perhaps in today's episode of Restaurant Turf Wars, they're trying to get back at 355 for opening a "branch" in Abuja.
BLD runs a daily (I think) buffet alongside their standard menu, which I think is absolutely stupid because the buffet is very Aramis-ian.
FOLLY: They had Post-it notes on the chaffing dishes to label them. Ugg
NOSA: This review took place over the course of two days. On the first, we came to do some recon and get drinks before our main rocks of the night. I got a "More Tom than Collins" Tom Collins.
FOLLY: I got a Malibu and Coke cause I wanted to be childish.
NOSA: We also split a thing of Popcorn Shrimp. Now, when I read popcorn shrimp, this is what I expect.
What we got was...
As you can see, friends, the popcorn shrimp no too really pop. Probably should've just went with Nigerian parlance and called it "Popcorn Prawn". Jokes aside, it actually tasted really good. Worthy Ocean Basket competitor.
The second time we came here was when all the madness started.
We started with the Salt & Pepper Calamari, which I really liked. The portion size was mad minuscule for the price, but "Lekki prices", I guess.
FOLLY: Salt & Pepper Calamari was just regular ass calamari sha in terms of looks. In my mind, I expected something garnished with rock salt and black pepper.
The patty tasted like a Mr. Biggs one. Overly done. Plasticky. Tasteless.
Should've listened to your friend.
FOLLY: Yup, as soon as we walked in I saw a friend and she recounted her tragic experience, but for some reason I thought my own would be different. You can also apply this to your personal life. For example, leave that Yoruba boy because your own will not be different. I kid I kid.
NOSA: I ordered the Jack Daniels Ribs and well, they never came.
Hungry 🍴🍴🍴— Eat.Drink.Lagos (@EatDrinkLagos) May 31, 2015
Waited an hour for food and the waiter comes to tell me they don't have what I ordered.— Eat.Drink.Lagos (@EatDrinkLagos) May 31, 2015
Lmao Nigerian restaurants slay me everyday.— Eat.Drink.Lagos (@EatDrinkLagos) May 31, 2015
"Bros please understand" proper mad ting— Eat.Drink.Lagos (@EatDrinkLagos) May 31, 2015
Dude even told me the food was on the way like 15 mins ago. So dead.— Eat.Drink.Lagos (@EatDrinkLagos) May 31, 2015
Tried to order something else. Sent the waiter to ask the chef what was actually available. Half the menu ghost.— Eat.Drink.Lagos (@EatDrinkLagos) May 31, 2015
NOSA: In retrospect, it's hilarious how he kept telling me to beg Folly not to be angry. Folly got her food, I didn't. I wanted to talk to a manager and homeboy is like, "nah, they'll sack me". The chef apparently went to the grocery store to get the ribs, failed his mission, and failed to tell the waiter. I honestly don't mind if something is not on the menu, just let me know and don't keep me waiting for eons.
FOLLY: The waiter was so daft. He now started telling me "Mama don't be angry". I just had to cut him off there.
NOSA: The place had too many people walking in and out of the kitchen. Not just chefs or waiters either, but plain clothed civilians. Like every friend of the owner wanted to show off their access.
FOLLY: The whole thing just screamed unsanitary to me.
NOSA: The service was horrible. Let's ignore the fact that my order never came, we had to ask our waiter for mayo about 6 times before he actually brought it.
Running a buffet and a regular menu is a terrible idea if you don't have the manpower like BLD. The kitchen is too busy reloading the buffet trays to actually bother with non-buffet orders. Something has to give.
You might have better time here because they can't possibly fuck an order up everyday, but as for me and my house, there's rice at home
FOLLY: They did fuck up at least three orders yesterday if we're being pedantic: yours, my friend and her friend's order too.
Popcorn Shrimp - N2500
Salt & Pepper Calamari - N2700
BLD Texas Toast Burger - N2900
Tom Collins - N2000
Malibu & Coke - N1400