The Case Against Sushi Rolls
NOSA: Before we start anything, let's be clear: we love the shit out of sushi rolls.
BUT, if you're truly going for the real Japanese experience, are sushi rolls the way to go?
FOLLY: Definitely not.
NOSA: With the different types of unidentifiable fish, random bits of avocado, dollops of cream cheese, and the occasional mayo, can we honestly say we're keeping it real with the authenticity?
FOLLY: But the rolls are just so damn interesting and creative. Take crazy mango for instance, mango, tuna/salmon and rice.
NOSA: I'll be honest, I should be the last person to be pontificating about authenticity because I jump to the rolls section of the menu with the swiftness. All that sashimi and nigiri is great and stuff, but it's clearly not for me. Despite all of this damning evidence against my person, let me play devil's advocate for a bit.
FOLLY: I actually quite like sashimi but I've never ordered it at a Nigerian restaurant. I worry about the quality of their fish.
Is there any fish in it?
NOSA: Do you get to taste the quality of fish in the roll? Is that even fish? For all I know, it might be plastic, you know? Shiro will charge you a decent amount for a roll with "crab" in it, but we all know it's imitation crab.
FOLLY: It's probably fish but way more rice than fish.
NOSA: We all know how expensive actual crab is. Would you go through all that stress to put it in sushi roll?
If there's fish in it, it has to be terrible
NOSA: Seguing from my last point, there's a reason no one sells you a burger with premium cut steak in it. There's a reason bottomless mimosas are made with Andre or cheap sparkling wine and not Laurent Perrier.
FOLLY: Pretty confident there's fish or they'd have been sued in America, the land of litigation.
NOSA: If there is any actual fish in it, it's probably the worst cut of the lot. HAS to be. True, no self respecting sushi chef will ever admit it, but there's no way they're grinding up proper salmon or prime tuna just to put in a roll that'll get drowned in soy sauce anyway.
It's not even that healthy
NOSA: All that rice? The cream cheese too? No way in hell are these healthy. Your average Philly or California roll has roughly 400 calories in a serving. You might as well eat a proper unhealthy burger so you don't waste your calories. Google it, if you think I'm lying.
FOLLY: You also need to eat close to six to eight rolls to be properly full.
NOSA: All that said, no way am I ordering any dirty sashimi next time I'm at Izanagi. Give me my questionable, fatty, americanized sushi rolls. Thanks and God bless.
FOLLY: You know what? I'll try Izanagi's or Shiro's sashimi just based on this post and report back to y'all.