FOLLY: So a couple weeks ago, Nosa and I were invited to a press event at Scarlet Lodge. Event was a success and most people had a good time, a couple of us didn't cause they forgot to take our orders for starters until others were on their main course, and our food was a let down.
NOSA: The service on the day was terrible and the food tasted like buttcheek. Didn't complain though. It was free food. You don't want to say a restaurant is trash when you don't pay for the food because knowing Nigerians, the owner will jump in the comment section and start fighting you.
"Did I not give you for free?" etc etc
FOLLY: We unlooked it as a busy kitchen and didn't write off Scarlet, until today.
NOSA: Well, technically yesterday, but yeah.
FOLLY: Following our prerequisite Sunday morning meeting (eating through he struggle and planning the Eat.Drink.Festival is a lot of work yanno), we decided to get lunch.
Their menu is pretty impressive, I'll give them that. There's at least 5 pages of it and it doesn't feel like an all over the place textbook menu that has everything, it's actually well organized. This may not make any sense but it has sections, and you can sense a bit of harmony.
NOSA: Eat.Drink.Lagos - part time food bloggers, full time menu design critics.
FOLLY: My drink was a learning experience, mocktails are a scam.
NOSA: I honestly don't know why people get mocktails. Like, I get not wanting to drink alcohol but I still don't get mocktails. Just get orange juice or water rather than pay so much for some random mixture of sodas. I bet if you ordered the components solo, you'd probably get your drink for cheap.
NOSA: You know what's really hilarious, the drink was called Wiggedy Wack. If there ever was a time a name matched the product.
Anyway, I tried being fake healthy and ordered a Smoked Salmon Salad.
FOLLY: Having fully recovered from the frog legs debacle, I was down down for yet another culinary adventure. So, I ordered something strange (at least to me), and placed all my trust solely in the menu description. It was only after ordering, I remembered this chicken strips incident and then became worried.
The mystery was eventually solved when I got my food and realized I had ordered shawarma boga. Yup, it was the complete makings of proper Lebanese sharwarma - lamb, onions, garlic sauce, and chips but no pickles, cause I asked for them to be removed- in between two bread pieces.
NOSA: I believe they're called Arayes. They're meat-stuffed pitas. According to Google, they're real popular in Lebanon, Jordan, and pretty much that whole area. A quick Google image search suggests we were gastronomically defrauded though.
NOSA: At N3000, my salad was the biggest waste of money since GEJ emptied our foreign reserves on that failed reelection campaign. The thing was basically a side salad with salmon strips on it. It didn't come with any dressing either. I had to ask the kitchen to make something. Compared to the salmon salad I got at Delis, this was an absolute atrocity. But hey, the menu looks nice.
FOLLY: Wholistically, the Arayes wasn't bad but the lingering garlic breath was not cute.
FOLLY: No dice.
NOSA: Dead, when the food was free.
Dead, when I paid for it.
Dead, all the time.
I think that's how haikus work, I might be wrong.
Smoked Salmon Salad - N3000
Out of This World Arayes - N3000
Wiggedy Wack - N1500