Nuts About Cakes Has a Reality Show...And We Watched It

NOSA: For some reason, Nuts About Cakes has a reality show. Yes, the cake shop. No, I have no idea why. According to the show description,

Forget Cake-Boss, the Great British Bake-Off, and Cake-And-Bake - this is the best of Nigerian food. These are cakes made in Nigeria. Challenges, opportunities, hilarious moments, weddings and plenty of Nigerian celebrities.

Ah, fair enough then.

Reality TV can never be the wrong move anyway. Look at Georgetown Cupcakes, Cardi B, Kim Kardashian, Ebuka Obi-Uchendu, Snookie. 

The list is endless.

First thing, the owner, Nike, is soooo fahn. Her foundation is not the right color, but fahn still. Second, the Ikoyi location is in the middle of the dump we all know as Rumens Road. I don’t think they should be counting that. 

In the first episode, the Nuts about Cake crew is making a cake for some tech company in the shape of some device they make. I wasn’t really paying attention tbh. Nike is so fine that I got confused. You’ll have to forgive me.

The show actually looks really decent.

The first episode, at least.

Needs a little personality for sure. Hopefully by episode 4, the head delivery guy knocks up one of the bakers and gets this thing really popping. It’s shame I hate their cakes already.

Favorite character, after Nike obvs, has to be Amadi, the delivery guy. My Igbo brothers always struggle when pronouncing Yoruba words. “I have to deliver to LAY-kee, may God epp me”. Like a true Igbo man, my man refused to take the Lekki-Ikoyi toll and went the long way. Nike fake lost her shit and ting. Stay strong, Amadi. Don’t let these people take the “pincher” out of you. 

FOLLY: Well, actually it was the finance guy that refused to release N300 for Amadi to pass the toll. 

NOSA: Another thing, these mandem were touching the cake with their bare hands. No gloves. Nothing. FFS!

FOLLY: Bakers don't wear gloves when decorating cakes. 

NOSA: I didn't know you were a baker too. 

Watching them describe the cake is mad hilarious too. “A cake that represents what the company is about”. You made a cake in the shape of their device, relax. This must be a thing with creatives. They always think way too deep about their art. A Nigerian singer will release an album full of pangolo music and he’ll tell you how it symbolizes the connection with the soil. Will you people calm down. 

FOLLY: It was so obvious Nike does no baking ever.

NOSA: I like how Nike wore her baker baffs and did ZERO baking in the episode.

 FOLLY: She had the longest false nails in the episode, no way she's doing any cake decorating with those nails and if she did, it'll be unhygienic considering all the dirt that could get trapped underneath there.  

NOSA: She still fahn tho. 

Second episode is a bit ehhh. I'm blaming the bride and defs not bae, aka Nike. Babe said she was excited to taste the cakes. Like, just look at her. She's sooooooooo excited.

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Random: Do people actually eat the wedding cakes? I don't think I've tasted a single wedding cake this year and I've been to a couple.

 FOLLY: They keep it till their first child is born or first anniversary. Obviously, I'm not married yet so I don't know the rules. 

 NOSA: My wedding cake is going to be a sponge cake and fuck all that heavy icing. We're also not serving food at the wedding. Just small chops and champagne. My wife is just going to have to deal. She can do as she pleases for the other parts of the wedding. 

I digress.

The bit with her husband...LMAO. Unbelievable levels of cringe. Look, let's not do this "my husband came to visit me" thing again. Like, nope. Never. 

For the rest of the season, we need more Amadi and less of the baking people. Oh, and none of the Nollywood-style empty scenes too.